Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I'm On Vacation

I'm up in Pigeon Forge, TN, along with every teenager this side of the Mississippi enjoying a few days off. You'd think that teens and the MA Fat Woman wouldn't get along very well, but when they realize that I'm better at the arcade games than they are it's like, Wow, Cool, Where'd you learn that?(Yes, I was a kid once)

Anyhow, hope you had a great Christmas and I hope you have a terrific New Year's Eve. Have some fun and make time to have a laugh.


I'll be back next year!


MA Fat Woman

Friday, December 25, 2009

Rudd's Christmas Farm

***Enjoy this classic holiday post***

A holiday tradition that many people in southern Ohio enjoyed throughout the years was a visit to see the lights. Actually, it was called Rudd Christmas Farm and it featured almost a million lights by the time it closed in 1999. The light display was nestled in the hills of southern Ohio near the Shawnee National Forest in a town called Blue Creek.

I knew Blue Creek because that's where my Granny and Uncle Tommy lived. Each year after Thanksgiving Mr. Rudd would flip the switch and the twinkling lights would fill the nighttime sky with a dazzling display of electric sunshine. If you were looking for plastic Santa Clauses or mechanized Frosty the Snowmans then this light display wasn't for you. Rudd Christmas Farm celebrated the true meaning of Christmas, which was the birth of Jesus. Some years he would have live animals on display and a manger scene was usually set up in the barn.

We usually went to see the lights on Christmas night. We had spent the day at Granny's house--eating and running down all of the batteries in our new toys. As darkness began to close in it was time to load up in her truck and drive over to see this year's display. I don't know how we managed but we always seemed to fit 23 people in Granny's truck, plus a wheelchair.

The drive to see the lights was an adventure by itself. It was a couple miles back a curvy road with a large stream on one side and a big drop off down into a gully on the other. Throw in some icy weather and a couple tour buses and you got yourself a happening situation.

Once we unloaded and made our way through the display it was time to meet Mr. Rudd. Both Mr Rudd and my Granny had had large families. He didn't know who you specifically belonged to, but he knew you were one of Margaret's kids' kids. Greetings were exchanged and Christmas carols were sang with full-bellied gusto. It was a good time.

I guess the event that stands out the most about my visits to Rudd's Christmas Farm was the year he did something special for my family. Due to horrible weather and a death in the family we were unable to view the lights on Christmas night. We had several family members that didn't make it to Granny's house until well up into January. Granny placed a phone call and asked if Mr Rudd might turn on the lights for a few minutes so we could witness the majesty of his display. Not a problem, he told my grandmother, come on over.

Now, that's the true meaning of Christmas.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

MA Fat Woman

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve Dinner

Some of my fondest memories around the holidays occurred on Christmas Eve. It wasn’t the actual event that was so much fun but the preparations up to that special day.

My Dad would always help in the decorating of the living room. There are certain decorations that had to go in a specific spot each year. We always had red and green crepe paper chains that ran across the ceiling of the living room. We would take branches from the bottom of the Christmas tree and place them on the mantel above the fireplace. We had a fabulously colored gold and shiny tinsel looking thing that hung from one of the doorways.

My job on Christmas Eve was to always set out the different food-laden bowls in the living room. We always had a bowl with various nuts, mainly walnuts. We had a specific bowl for the fruit, mainly navel oranges that we ordered from the FFA each year. And you can’t forget about the cheese plate. (Which was my favorite)

Both sets of my grandparents would come to my house each year for Christmas Eve dinner. My dad’s mom and my step-grandfather, both affectionately known as Mamaw and Papaw, as well as my mom’s mother and her brother, also known affectionately as Granny and Uncle Tommy. You needed to make sure you called Mamaw “mamaw” and Granny “granny”, or they’d let you know about it.

We would have a very big meal and then get to open our presents from our grandparents. I always knew what I was getting. Mamaw gave up buying us presents when we were really young. Instead, we were given money to go buy ourselves a present, which you had to wrap and then open in front of Mamaw.

Granny had so many grandchildren that all she could afford was usually a dollar bill and a pair of socks. I didn’t mind because I always knew that I would get a new pair of dress socks for Christmas.

Christmas Eve also meant something else too. That night the furnace got turned up to almost 80. Both grandparents were extremely cold-natured and we would have the fireplace going full blast and the furnace wide open. I loved it! I swear that was the coldest house I have ever lived in. The furnace had two vents—one into the living room and the other into mom and dad’s bedroom. There was an exhaust pipe that ran up through the ceiling and on out to the outside. The pipe was right beside my bed and I would hug it (it was warm) before I burrowed into my bed covered with about 15 quilts and blankets.

It seemed we were in bed relatively early and we tried to stay awake so we could monitor the comings and goings of the busy bees downstairs as they readied the living room for Christmas morning. I’m not sure what time they got to bed but everything was always perfect.

Our Christmas Eve dinners were always a lot of fun and something that we looked forward to. Sadly, several of the key players are no longer with us and they are deeply missed. We have a new tradition for Christmas Eve that we started after we lost Dad. I’m not sure why, but now we always go out for Chinese food.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Fine, If They Won't Play It, I Will

I guess some folks have been offended by this song. I don't really understand why. I guess we wouldn't be Americans if someone (everyone) somewhere (everywhere) wasn't complaining about something (everything).

I've heard every Christmas song about 50 times this year, including that Dan Fogelberg one, well, I've heard it 100 times.

But, my favorite holiday classic? Not once, nada, zip, zilch, zero times I've heard it.

So, taking matters into my own hands. If they won't play it, I will.

Click the play button and sing along as loud as you can. I know you know all the words!




Merry Christmas from the MA Fat Woman!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Caption This Winner



It was a tough decision but Anonymous came out on top with the caption of "Come on, pull my finger".

Have you ever pulled that gag on someone? Priceless, I say, just priceless!

Congratulations Anonymous, you're the topic of the day! However, I'll let you keep your anonymity and remain a mystery.

Thanks to everyone that participated.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Caption This Wednesday



Everyone else does it, so, why not me? Go ahead! Take a look at this lovely photo I plucked from somewhere and give it your best shot. Caption this!

The one that I like the best will be rewarded with a post of the day. What is that? It's a post for you, all about you and anything you want me to tell about you. If I don't know anything about you, I'll just make some stuff up. But still, you'll be the topic of the day.

Caption this!

I'll pick a winner on 12/20/2009.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Another Holiday Conversation

If you missed the original Holiday Conversations post you can check it out here. The following are actual conversations from the 2009 holiday season.

Sister: I know what you can get me for Christmas this year. But, you'll have to order it online.
MA Fat Woman: Well, what is it?
Sister: It's an insulated cup. They cost 10 bucks each.
MAFW: Whoa, that's a lot!

Mom: Want to see what I want for Christmas?
MAFW: Sure, what is it?
Mom: It's called a napsack. It's right here in the ABC catalog.
MAFW: Why do you need a backpack? Are you going camping or back to school?
Mom: NO! It's not a backpack, it's a napsack. You take it with you when you are travelling and lay it on the bed or wherever you are sleeping. It even has room for a pillow. That way you don't have to touch the blankets or bed spreads; they can be really gross, you know.

Brother: What are you getting mom for Christmas?
MAFW: Not sure. She showed me something in the ABC catalog...
Brother: Oh God! Not the ABC catalog again.

MAFW: I found out what mom wanted for Christmas?
Sister: What?
MAFW: It's something like a backpack, but they call it a napsack.
Sister: Oh Lord! It's not from the ABC catalog, is it?

MAFW: Sister wants some kind of insulated cup for Christmas. It costs ten bucks.
Mom: Whoa, that's a lot! Insulated cup, huh? You three kids are nuts about your drinking cups.
MAFW: I looked, but couldn't find it anywhere. It must be in one of those specialty shops at the mall; although she said she saw it online.
Mom: Hmmm, did you check the ABC catalog...?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day XII

On my twelfth day of dieting my body said to me:

12 disappointing weigh ins

11 yucky carrot sticks

10 minutes of walking

9 times I've cheated

8 glasses of water

7 slimey salads

6 sugarfree Jello cups

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Thank goodness, that's over! There's always next year! Now, let's eat!

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day XI

On my eleventh day of dieting my body said to me:

11 yucky carrot sticks

10 minutes of walking

9 times I've cheated

8 glasses of water

7 slimey salads

6 sugarfree Jello cups

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day X

On my tenth day of dieting my body said to me:

10 minutes of walking

9 times I've cheated

8 glasses of water

7 slimey salads

6 sugarfree Jello cups

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day IX

On my ninth day of dieting my body said to me:

9 times I've cheated

8 glasses of water

7 slimey salads

6 sugarfree Jello cups

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day VIII

On my eighth day of dieting my body said to me:

8 glasses of water

7 slimey salads

6 sugarfree Jello cups

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day VII

On my seventh day of dieting my body said to me:

7 slimey salads

6 sugarfree Jello cups

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day VI

On my sixth day of dieting my body said to me:

6 sugarfree Jello cups

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day V

On my fifth day of dieting my body said to me:

YOU LOST 5 POUNDS (all water weight)

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day IV

On my fourth day of dieting my body said to me:

4 protein shakes

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and a

Boy, howdy! You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day III

On my third day of dieting my body said to me:

3 low-carb bars

2 hunger pains...

...and

You can do it! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day II

On the second day of dieting my body said to me:


2 hunger pains...

...and

You're gonna do great! Just think how much better you'll feel.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Twelve Days Of Dieting...Day I

Please join me as I begin my quest to become the MA not so Fat Woman. I'm sure you've heard this holiday classic The Twelve days of Christmas, well, my version is The Twelve Days of Dieting.

Check back for added days and don't hesitate to sing along!

On my first day of dieting my body said to me, "You can do it, just think how much better you'll feel..."

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