Saturday, January 30, 2010

How You Doin?...Week IV

We're four weeks into the New Year and in my best Joey Tribbiani voice I ask "How you doin"?

I thought I'd start a weekly feature here at Reflections that would encourage you to stick with it. I think I'm doing it more for myself, actually. If I write it down each week, I can hold myself accountable. But, please, feel free to play along at home.

I did really well this week. I'm at the end of something that I've been working on and will tell you about it on Monday?

Are you keeping your resolutions?

Are you admitting that you aren't a computer guru and you need help with your new web design?

Are you laughing at least once a day?

Are you staying positive?

Have you given someone a nice compliment?

Are you finding happiness and contentment in your everyday activities?

Are you eating more fiber?

Are you letting the little things go?

Are you being less judgemental?

Are you clipping coupons to help you save money?

Have you become a follower of the MA Fat Woman through Google Connect

Are you drinking fluids to keep hydrated?

Are you getting off the couch any?

These are some of the things that I'm working on. Hope you will too! If you have anything to add to the list, please do so.

Also, if you would like to be included on my blog roll, please leave your info in the comments section.

MA Fat Woman

Friday, January 29, 2010

Remembering Dad...Year II

Today would have been my Dad’s 75th birthday. Dad liked nothing better than having a steak for his birthday. Mom likes a Ribeye, but not Dad, he liked a T-Bone, the bigger the better. In recent years, the local steakhouse closed down, reopened, closed again, reopened as a church, closed again and has now reopened as a Mexican restaurant.

Confused? Me too!

So, in keeping with the family tradition, we’re going out for T-bones at the new Longhorn that has opened near where the old steakhouse once stood.

I’m sad you can’t be with us but we know you’ll be watching. I don’t know if you ever got to eat at Longhorn or not but I hear they cook a really mean steak.

We miss you.
Gopher

Thursday, January 28, 2010

If You Leave It

I'll list it.

Since we're going to be making some more changes here at MA Fat Woman. (I'll try to leave the colors alone, but it is almost spring and I really like pastels, so you never know.)

Anyhow, I am going to add to my list on the side of Friends Who Can Relate and if you would like to have your blog included just leave your link in the comments section.

It's a whole lot easier that way than me travelling about the blogiverse and doing the old copy and paste.

Again, if you'd like to be included on my blog roll, list or whatever you want to call it, just leave your info in the comments.

(Of course, I do have the right to reject any and/or all links if I find that they are not funny and/or at least a little interesting.)

MA Fat Woman

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dreaming Of Maple Syrup...Part II

...and is there anything better on pancakes than real maple syrup? I like to put it on biscuits too. There I go again, talking about food when I'm supposed to be on a diet. Maple syrup is good on waffles too. You know, growing up we never had waffles, it was always hotcakes cooked on the griddle. Now, I've got like three or four waffle irons and they all have about an inch of dirt on them, I might have used each of them once or twice.

It seems that there is a lot more to making maple syrup than just making a hole, sticking a bucket under it and watching the sap drip. You can visit my friend Eric's site here and check out the process for yourself.

I spent several days lurking around his website trying to figure out how to acquire a jug or two of this syrup that had started haunting me day and night. I was daydreaming during the day of foot high stacks of steaming hotcakes, oozing with fresh butter and drowning in maple syrup. At night, for two nights straight, I dreamt that I was being chased by giant waffles that wanted to be covered with maple syrup and eaten. (I know, weird.)

Now, I'm not sure if Eric ever visited the house on Cherry Fork Road, but I know his big sister did, because she and my sister (Big Red) were in the same grade and used to run around together. I remember Sister had a slumber party once and they were talking about boys or something and I got kicked out of the room for being a pest.

On Eric's site he mentioned that the syrup was available at local stores throughout the area and from him directly. Well, the MA Fat Woman ain't from around those parts no more and you know I don't like to go north above the Sweet tea line. (Which is Kentucky for you that don't know.) So, I did the next best thing, I asked if he shipped.

"Not a problem," he said, and that's how I became the brand new owner of my own jug of maple syrup, made in Ohio, not New England. Who knew?


If you would like to get your own totally cute mini jug of maple syrup you can visit the links above or email him at newmanmaple@gmail.com.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Dreaming Of Maple Syrup...Part I

Dreams have a way of reconnecting us to things long forgotten. Perhaps, it's a group of kids playing that reminds us of a long, lost friend from Summer Camp in 1975, or a bite of a hamburger that can trigger memories of the local greasy spoon that served the best pizza burgers in town.

Me? I've been dreaming of maple syrup. Growing up on the farm on Cherry Fork Road we lived in a big, red brick house, had an outbuilding and a beautifully crafted hand pegged barn that had a stable, a corn crib, a stripping room (for tobacco), a hay mound and a petrified snake that grinned at me anytime I worked up the nerve to look at it.

We had a really big yard and a line of trees that ran along the side of the house. All of the trees except one were Catawba trees and the tree that stood towering over the house was a Sugar Maple. For some reason, I wasn't allowed to climb this tree. The bottom branches were way over my head and there was no good way to shimmy up it because of how large the trunk was; although, it did have a really good place for sitting. It also could have been that the only time I can remember someone climbing it, he fell and broke his arm (sorry, John John). Scared us all half to death and I think I cried more than he did, he landed really hard.

I spent many days nestled in the crook of the big maple, mainly avoiding summer chores, chewing on a weed and wondering if it was my turn to go play at the neighbor's house or if they were coming down to mine. I do remember one year trying to hammer a stick into the tree seeing if it would produce any sap. I don't know how I knew that, I guess you learn things from reading, observing, or maybe, I paid attention in class the day we talked about New England, which is where I thought all maple syrup came from.

Recently, I've discovered that this isn't necessarily the case. Like many of you, I have joined the social networking sites and have reconnected with many old friends and acquaintances. And yes, there are some that I have difficulty in remembering. I was drawn to one such old friend last summer by the photos that he had posted about his garden and a mention of making maple syrup this upcoming winter...

Saturday, January 23, 2010

How You Doin?...Week III

We're three weeks into the New Year and in my best Joey Tribbiani voice I ask, "How you doin"?

Uhhh, not so good. You'll notice that some of the items didn't make the list this week.


Are you laughing at least once a day?

Are you clipping coupons to help you save money?

Are you drinking fluids to keep hydrated?

Are you getting off the couch any?

I did accomplish the above resolutions this week.

I'm back on track now, but I gotta tell you, the jelly donut that I just had to have, it tasted really good.

*Sigh


MA Fat Woman

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Malfuction Junction

I've started paying closer attention to my expenses lately and that included taking a closer look at my communication services. It seems that I have been paying 10 cents a minute for long distance on my home home and $34.95 a month for my DSL 3 mbs internet service. Both, I thought were a pretty good deal until I started reading some of the junk mail that my phone company keeps sending me.

Harrumph! Basically, I can now get free long distance and twice the speed for my connection at half the price. Sounds like a great deal, right? So, I switched.

Well, guess where I am now?

I'm at the library because for the last two weeks my internet connection hasn't worked properly, I'm still paying for long distance and I still don't have caller id. I would call the phone company and complain but the phone line doesn't seem to be working either and I don't know the number anyway. I can't look it up online and I don't have a phonebook because as a cost cutting measure you don't automatically receive phone books, you have to request them. Nice.

If it doesn't get resolved soon, I'm gonna have to go over to my crazy neighbor's house, Merlethem Shatz, and use her phone, which is kind of like having all your teeth pulled: the best part about the whole visit is when you get to leave.

Keep your fingers crossed!


Monday, January 18, 2010

Introducing The New Cat

A few weeks before Thanksgiving I was awakened one morning by a squalling cat outside my window. I rolled over and put a pillow over my head trying to drown out the noise, but it didn't work. I opened the door to find a large, fowl smelling creature sitting on my porch.

Over the next few days I tried everything in my power to get rid of this cat. I tried to shoo him off, I scared him away with the broom and I called all of the vets' offices. I called Animal Control (they didn't call me back) and I drove around checking for "lost cat" signs and I put an ad in the paper. I was convinced that he belonged to an old lady across the road and tried to give him back and that started a chain of events, phone calls and dealings with some of the nuttiest people that I'd ever run into, all to no avail. Nobody wanted and didn't have the capacity to take the cat.





If you look at the picture you can easily see why I decided to name this cat Ralph, as in Ralph Malph (Mouth), because he wouldn't shut up. I didn't want another cat and neither did the cat I already have. We're pretty old and set in our ways.

Evidently, at one time, somebody had loved Ralph. He was super friendly, had been neutered and followed me around like he never intended to let me out of his sight (which he hasn't). Two things come to mind, and they are that his owner died or his family lost their home for some reason or another and couldn't keep him. As I had just learned, there are no other options in my county for stray cats.

It doesn't matter really, I now belong to him and he belongs with me.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

How You Doin?...Week II

We're two weeks into the New Year and in my best Joey Tribbiani voice I ask "How you doin"?

I thought I'd start a weekly feature here at Reflections that would encourage you to stick with it. I think I'm doing it more for myself, actually. If I write it down each week, I can hold myself accountable. But, please, feel free to play along at home.

Some items might be changed according to what is going on in the world. Like this week I'm asking this: Are you doing anything to help those affected by the earthquake in Haiti?

Are you keeping your resolutions?

Are you laughing at least once a day?

Are you staying positive?

Are you finding happiness and contentment in your everyday activities?

Are you eating more fiber?

Are you letting the little things go?

Are you being less judgemental?

Are you clipping coupons to help you save money?

Are you saying NO when they ask you if you want to supersize it?

Are you drinking fluids to keep hydrated?

Are you getting off the couch any?

These are some of the things that I'm working on. Hope you will too! If you have anything to add to the list, please do so.

MA Fat Woman

Friday, January 15, 2010

LeeAnn, You're The Caption This Winner!



We had several good entries this time around, but LeeAnn from When Life Gives You Scraps, Make A Quilt had the winning entry with "There IS a Jack Frost, but ya got the wrong guy here"!

Congratulations! You are the topic of the day.

I did some digging about LeeAnn and found that she is a relative newbie to the blogging community and recently turned 39 for tenth or so time. She is a fellow Buckeye, which in itself, is outstanding and resides in the fine city of Columbus, Ohio. Go Bucks!

LeeAnn has the hots for all things cats, quilts, and jewelry making.

Her resolution was to complete one project a week, which I think is a great idea and I have incorporated (stolen) it into my yearly goals as well.

LeeAnn was a lurker here at Reflections and I'm glad 'ol Jack coaxed her out of the shadows and into the limelight.

You've probably got scraps of your own setting around, gathering dust. Check out her blog and maybe she'll help you get things completed, one project at a time.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Head Colds

Sniffling.

Sneezing.

Congestion.

When all three of those occur at the same time it usually portends the arrival of one of my least favorite things: A head cold.

There are two key contributing factors that make me miserable when I have a head cold:

1. Runny nose- I hate blowing my nose. Always have, always will. Mom used to say that she had to chase me around the house when I was a kid, hold me down, kicking and screaming the whole time while she repeatedly yelled "BLOW"!

If I could get away with it I wouldn't mind doing what I've seen a lot of old men do and that is to hold a finger to one side of the nostril and blow as hard as they can out the other side. A shooting stream of snot, usually yellow in color, will be expelled just like that. Gross, I know, but it sure beats using a rumpled up tissue that you've already used a gazillion times and is covered with dry snot. Now, that's gross. (If you do use old tissues please throw them away at some point. Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes to pick up used snot rags.)

2. Being congested- When your nose is so clogged up you are forced to breathe totally through your mouth and end up with a severe case of cotton mouth. Or, my personal favorite, that wet spot left on your pillow when you have drooled out the side of your mouth all night.

Another thing about being congested is tat it can ake communication bery difficult. B's become D's and P's become V's and so forth and so on. Trying to have a conversation with someone is nearly impossible. The following conversation took place when I tried to make a Dr's appointment to get some relief from my current head cold:

Voice: Thank you for calling Medical Associates, for the appointment desk please press one.

Me: Bleep

Another voice: Appointment desk, may I help you?

Me: 'ello, I meed to nake a bointment, flease.

Voice: I'm sorry, can you please repeat that?

Me: I need to make an abbointment. I gotta 'ead colb.

Voice: Oh, it sounds like you have a head cold. What's your name and which doctor do you need to see?

Me: I meed to see Br. Ricci and my last mame is Valmer.

Voice: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch your name.

Me: Balmer!

Voice: Let me look that up. I'm sorry, did you say Dalmer?

Me: No! I'm not a serial killer. Falmer.

Voice: I'm terribly sorry. Could you spell it for me?

Me: V-A-L-M-E-R, Valmer!

Voice: I'm sorry. I'm not finding anything for V-a-l-m-e-r. Are you a new patient?

Me: No. 'old on a second.

And with that I put one finger to the side of my nose and blew as hard as I could. "It's Palmer," I said. "P-a-l-m-e-r"

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Brother's Birthday...Year II


Now, it's time for another birthday. My big brother is celebrating his birthday today. Since we are sharing the family nicknames....drum roll please. His nickname is Boy, sometimes called Big Boy.

Boy is a fan of WW II and can give you all the information ever needed if you are building a house since he has a background in construction.

He taught me how to play football, throw a baseball for a perfect strike (complete with a full wind up) and how to play chess.

He also taught me how to chew tobacco, scratch my butt, cuss a blue streak, burp the alphabet, throw cow patties, use the tractor and manure spreader to drive to town for hot dogs and Sour Cream Doritos when Mom and Dad were working, castrate a hog and spit and catch loogies.

Most of these tricks I have since out grown! (Most)

However, it is good knowledge to have. You never know when you might need to do some castrating.

If you look closely at his right leg you can see the scar left behind from his bout with the flesh eating virus that he has been recovering from for the last 16 months.


So here's to you! Happy Birthday!

MA Fat Woman (Froggy, German Midget, Shorty Luther, Mia, MyMy, G.)


Saturday, January 9, 2010

Caption This Saturday

Go ahead and give it your best shot!

Caption this!

Winner gets to be the topic of the day here at Reflections.





Here's my best caption:

Jack was just happy to see he made it through the Holidays!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Birthday Wishes...Year II

I talk a lot about my family. It's amazing some of the stories that I can remember and hope to share more with you at a later date. Actually, some of the stunts we pulled as kids make me wonder how we all grew up into functioning adults.

Anyhow, today is my sister's birthday. In case anyone wants to know, her nickname is Big Red. Yep, she's got red hair and a fierceness to go along with it.

She resides in the frigid north where it snows all the time. Yuck!

I won't tell you how old she is because that wouldn't be sisterly. She is older than me though.

Happy Birthday Sister! May you have many more and continue to do things that make me laugh.

MA Fat Woman

P.S. Your present is still on my counter waiting to be mailed.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

How You Doin'?

We're one week into the New Year and in my best Joey Tribbiani voice I ask "How you doin'?

Are you keeping your resolutions?

Are you laughing at least once a day?

Are you staying positive?

Are you finding happiness and contentment in your everyday activities?

Are you eating more fiber?

Are you letting the little things go?

Are you getting used to Diane Sawyer on World News?

Are you being less judgemental?

Are you getting all of the MA Fat Woman's jokes?

Are you clipping coupons to help you save money?

Are you saying NO when they ask you if you want to supersize it?

Are you wondering when the MA Fat Woman is going to start being funny again?

Me too!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

It's So Cold Or It's Colder Than...

A few of my favorites. Feel free to leave your own cold/colder comments in the comments section.

It's so cold that my Christmas decorations are now permanently affixed to my house.

It's so cold that my runny nose is now a small icicle.

It's so cold that even Mother Nature has been asking for another blanket.

It's colder than an Eskimo's Eskimo pie.

And my personal favorite, although I don't know why...It's colder than a witch's titty

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year

Happy New Year from all of us here at Reflections on a Middle-Aged Fat Woman! I hope 2010 brings you health, happiness and satisfaction in all that you do. Remember, it's a new year with new beginnings. Anything is possible!

Stay positive and take the time to laugh!

MA Fat Woman

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