Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving


It's a few hours before the meal and I'm already stuffed. No, I'm not the turkey.

I almost had a major meltdown earlier over the deviled eggs.

You wouldn't think that it would be that hard to boil eggs and then peel the shells but somewhere there was a major breakdown in this process. The shells would not come off the eggs and I had to take a butter knife and chip the shells off. This process resulted in four different opinions as to why the shells would not come off more easily.

Mom says that the eggs were too fresh and that was the reason the shells were difficult to remove.

Sister says the eggs needed to be at room temperature before they were boiled.

Niece says the eggs probably came from the chickens outside and have been buried out behind the outhouse for the last few years.

The MA Fat Woman didn't say anything but just kept swearing under her breath.

Brother says the eggs weren't boiled long enough and the shells needed to be removed promptly after boiling.

After this discussion which took almost an hour it was time to make the deviled egg mixture. Again, an hour to discuss how to make the mixture and four differing opinions.

If we're having this much trouble with the eggs I can hardly wait until it's time to mash the potatoes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Top Ten Signs That Say "Baby, It's Cold Outside."


In advance of the near apocalyptic record setting cold temperatures here are the top ten signs that say, "Baby, it's cold outside!"




10. The fire in the fireplace has frozen solid.
 9.  The ground cracks with every step you take.
 8.  You've tuned Tokyo in so close that you're starting to speak the language.
 7.  Runny noses are no longer running. They're frozen snot.
 6.  The surfer dudes are like "Dude, where's my shirt?"
 5.  No bare chested, bare breasted or butt cracks in sight.
 4.  The weather people are like, "Told ya so."
 3.  I haven't even raked my leaves yet.
 2.  Snow Day? Before Thanksgiving? Really?
 1.  Bite me, Mother Nature! This ain't funny no more.


Thursday, November 6, 2014

Need A Unique Christmas Gift?

Need a unique Christmas gift for that hard to buy for person in your life?

Why not get them a book.?

Not just any book mind you, but a humor book from the Middle-Aged Fat Woman. Yes, this gift will be sure to add hours of "being tickled pink" and "shaking their head with laughter" to anyone that receives it.

What about some new material for the bathroom? Both of my books are filled with short stories to keep you entertained while you are having "your alone time". Your family won't worry about the maniacal laughter being heard from the throne room because they'll know you're enjoying one of these fresh and witty tales.

BUT WAIT! THERE"S MORE!

Need a signed copy? That's no problem. Just contact me directly at my website for the details and I'll be sure to sign them with a flourish.


                  Order Reflections On A Middle-Aged Fat Woman by clicking here.

 Order Scrunchie-Fried by clicking on this link.



Finally, in this new era of publishing, it's really hard to get noticed unless you are somehow lucky enough to end up on Oprah's Book Club List or the FBI's Most Wanted List. Either way, that still doesn't mean that you can make somebody laugh. 

As a humor writer, that is what I attempt to do and you can help me out by spreading the word about Reflections On A Middle-Aged Fat Woman and Scrunchie-Fried with your friends and family.

Give a gift that they will enjoy forever. (Or at least a few minutes at a time.) The gift of laughter!

(And buy my book.)

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Palmer's Macaroni & Cheese...A Cherry Fork Memory


In my family, homemade macaroni and cheese has a place of honor. It all started with my Mamaw, my dad's mother, and has continued on through the family, at least with my sister and me.

Mamaw's macaroni and cheese was to die for. I only got to eat it one or two times a year, usually Christmas or Thanksgiving, but the weeks leading up to those festive occasions never went fast enough for me. I couldn't wait for the holiday season to begin on Cherry Fork Road. We hosted a dinner party every Christmas and Mamaw's macaroni & cheese was always on the menu. We ate it until we were as stuffed as the holiday bird.

Once we moved to Georgia and began to go our separate ways the macaroni and cheese seemed to be forgotten. Mamaw had passed away; Sister was always working; I was in college and Mom made a version of mac & cheese that none of us liked. I'm not sure what she put in it but I think onions and some kind of topping were included and that was nowhere close to Mamaw's recipe. I was disappointed to say the least.

Over the next few years Sister changed jobs and had a bit more time around the Holidays. We usually got together for about 48 hours when she would fly to Atlanta on Christmas Eve and then Mom would drive her back to Ohio to spend a few days. This was a happy time because Sister had mastered (if not bettered) Mamaw's recipe and we would eat enough to keep us going until the next year.

Somewhere along the line I grew tired of waiting for the annual macaroni and cheese dinner. I worked for the Post Office for almost ten years through the holiday season and was often, so tired, during our visit that I forgot to get seconds on the mac & cheese and Brother would eat it all. I didn't like that. I didn't like that at all.

So I did what any macaroni & cheese loving individual would do; I learned to make it for myself. As you can see from the photo, I did a good job.


I have even learned to make an extra pan for myself and freeze it so I can enjoy it several more times.


For some reason the last weekend of October is usually the first cold snap we have in North Georgia and nothing says warm me up better than a big pot of mac & cheese. By the way, if you're wondering what is so special about our family's recipe, just be sure and ask the next time I have you over for dinner.


Until then...I'm warm and cozy...and I'm keeping it all to myself.

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