What I Walked Into

One happened to me the other day has probably happened to almost everyone who might find themselves reading this story. However, there are exceptions to every rule. The exceptions are those of you that are afraid to use public restrooms, water closets, loos, or whatever else they might be called around the world. Luckily, I don’t have this problem. I had been visiting a sick friend at the hospital and was on my way out of the building when I decided to pay a visit to the ladies room. I spied those helpful signs pointing me to the correct door and I walked right in. Oh my Goodness! Oh my Goodness! I had walked into the most disgusting, awful smelling, eye watering stench that I had ever smelled. It made my knees weak. I had broken my cardinal rule: I never use a bathroom that has only one stall. The stench can get stuck in there for days. I don’t know who the culprit was; I guess I shouldn’t say that, because it is a bathroom after all. All I know is I hate to do that to other people that’s why I carry one of those miniature Lysol sprays around with me. It’s common courtesy—strike a match---spray some perfume—do anything. Just don’t leave it hanging there for someone, namely me, to walk into.

Things That Make You Go Oops

I was off to another exciting visit to the grocery store last week. I had made out my list and had gotten the appropriate coupons for this quick trip. It wasn't my monthly visit; you know the one where you have to stock up on paper products, laundry detergent and all of the other boring stuff. I had eaten lunch before my visit which was not unusual. Somewhere along the way I had learned that you weren't supposed to go shopping on an empty stomach. Supposedly, shopping for groceries with a full belly will stop me from buying foods that are bad for me. (Yeah, right) I was cruising right along, I had made it pass the produce aisle, (Remember, the middle-aged fat woman doesn't like salads) when I heard the first rumble. (Uh oh) I was headed down aisle 3 which is where the condiments are located. I knew I needed ketchup, and started searching for my list. Grrrrrrrr! (Oh my Lord!) What was that? I couldn't find my list and I was beginning to sweat just a bit. Roooaaaaarrrr went my stomach. I had started to head up aisle 4, (cereal aisle) I knew I needed a box of cereal because I had a coupon. I began looking through my stack of coupons when I realized that I had picked up the wrong stack. I had picked up the coupons to be used at a later date (Great) (Rumble, grgggle, Burrrrroppp) Obviously, I had a situation developing that needed my immediate attention. I needed to find a restroom, fast! I started rolling the cart up aisle 5 and was headed to the area where I hoped the facilities were located. Along the way, the shopping cart wheel (Which was going thump, thump, thump) got stuck on something and wouldn't roll. (Grrrrrrr) Highly exasperated and sweating profusely, I shook the cart back and forth trying to get the wheel unstuck. I looked up and saw the sign for the restrooms, I was close. With a final shove, it came loose, and almost overturned. (It had gotten stuck on a penny) I grabbed the penny and my purse and headed for the bathroom door. There was a handwritten sign on it which I slowed to read (No merchandise to be taken beyond these doors without a receipt) and pushed my way in. Grgggle, Burrroppp. The first thing that I noticed when I got inside was a urinal. The next thing that I noticed was a man standing in front of the urinal. He looked at me with shock registering on his face and I said "Oops", made an about face and back out the door I went. In my haste to reach the facilities and read the sign, I had walked right into the men's room. Oops!