New Signs Of The Apocalypse

Sports Illustrated features a weekly feature entitled Signs of the Apocalypse where unusual happenings in the sports world will merit a one or two sentence mention on topics ranging from hoodwinked hoodlums in Ireland to men's figure skaters bitch-slapping a NFL lineman because his parking place got taken. This morning when I turned on the television to catch up on the news from overnight every channel I turned to was showing breaking news: Tiger to break his silence. Watch the LIVE broadcast in just a few minutes. Every channel. Do we really care that much that the all time greatest golfer in the world couldn't keep his putter in his pants? The pundits and talking heads across all the networks were all in a dither as to whether his wife, Elin, would be there to stand beside him. Had he had plastic surgery to repair the damage caused by the nine-iron when she had allegedly went upside his head with it on Thanksgiving night? OOOOOhhhhh, I'm just shivering and shaking with anticipation as to what he is going to say. Is he going to admit to all of the affairs? Is he going to give details? Are they staying together or getting a divorce? Is he coming back to play golf at the Master's Tournament in April? Is he really a sex addict? Is that even a real condition? Will his sponsors believe him? Will they be happy with what he says? What does his mom think about all of this? What would his dad say? Will this situation help him to become a better man? Will he gain a new respect for the game of golf and its fabled history? All of those questions and many more are what warranted this extensive news coverage. Are you kidding me? I'll ask again. Are you kidding me? I can understand the sports networks covering this, but CNN, HLN, the Fox Business Channel, I thought I even heard QVC throw a shout out about it. Aren't there starving people somewhere we need to know about? Aren't the people in Haiti living in tent cities? Aren't we fighting a war on two fronts? Weren't we having a health-care debate, recently? Don't you wonder what Conan has been doing since he got the boot? Do you wonder if Congress will ever get anything accomplished? Wait! You had almost forgotten about those other issues, hadn't you? Almost. For me, all it took was a thirty second flip through the channels to bring my reality back into focus. And my focus isn't on Tiger, neither should yours.