|The time was here and it was time to go,
Northward, and upward, to Dayton to show
That I'm a writer, I belong,
No apologies, you know?
The phone rang at five with Sharon on the line,
We're here in the bar with EB and the gang.
Are you coming tonight in support of our Wanda?
In case you forgot, she won Honorable Mention.
Tracy, of Lost in Suburbia fame was the featured speaker,
Another faculty member was there too, but I can't pronounce her name
It's Wojciechowski of Wojo's World.
Nice to meet you, she said.
How do you pronounce your name?
It's Gianetta, I said and I'll sit right there,
Oh, no you won't, not in that chair.
Could you move to the left said the feeble old voice,
A gray-haired lady helped make my choice.
A neighbor of Erma's, she turned out to be
She hated going places where she just couldn't see.
At the hotel with business cards in hand,
I was hanging with Rose, EB and the gang
Introducing myself to everyone I saw
Another faculty member, it's Suzette, ya'll
Then there was Donna, Steve, Bonnie and Jeanne
Too many others, as I worked the scene
Over to a table where they quietly sat
Two ladies with journals and paper to pen
I'm Gianetta, I said; it's sure nice to meet you.
You're the middle-aged fat woman, one said and we read you!
Unbelievable, I thought; it's finally happened
Acknowledgment for my craft and they weren't even kin.
Onward to dinner with Donna Louise and friends
Which started a tradition; perhaps a new trend.
For every meal of which I was to partake
My table's food was absent, impossibly late.
The ballroom was jumping, we were feeling alive
When up stepped Zweibel from Saturday Night Live.
Stories of Lorne, Gilda and he
Comic talents unleashed for the world to see
Morning dawned bright as I searched the round tables,
Searching for an agent was the topic I chose
No agents were there, we wondered and supposed.
Off to the lectures of Lefler and Berk
Beautifully talented women with knowledge to share
Approachable, engaging with time to spare.
Answering questions from a rookie like me
Keep on writing, it'll happen, you'll see.
The noon meal was spent with a Pulitzer Prize Winner
You're a writer, she said, we need more women.
More voices to spread the joy of laughter
Oh crap, I thought, I've got to meet her.
Gianetta, she said. Did I pronounce that right?
Tell me about yourself, what is it that you do?
Hello? Are you in there? Cat got your tongue?
The silence was looming; I was completely stunned.
Only once before had I lost my voice
My first time on radio announcing the news
Uh, Pulitzer Prize winner, I'm in awe, can't you see
I'm the Middle Aged Fat Woman, people call me G.
Well, I think you're beautiful, a fellow Buckeye too.
Do you have a card, she asked?
Why yes, why yes, I most certainly do.
Lights! Camera! Video with the Bobblehead Dad
Videos are great to add pizzazz to your brand.
Let the readers know what you're all about
This iPhone right here, I can't live without.
No time to rest, no time to change gears
We left the UD Campus with knowledge to spare.
Back to the Marriott for another late arriving meal
To hear Adrianna speak of growing up well
Well represented in a big Italian family
A Cosby Show Writer fresh from Indiana.
Big Stone Gap and many others to follow
Laughter, applauding making it difficult to swallow.
The entrée of choice wasn't a favorite of mind
Thank goodness for dessert, chocolate, my favorite kind.
There I stood waiting patiently in the drink line
When a Bombeck approached, with a thought on her mind.
We spoke of our mothers, not so different
Both women of Ohio; trendsetters and gifted.
Little sleep in the night; I was too wound up
Back the next day for some Hypnotic Recall.
My visit from Dad and a message for me
Hey, kid you're doing all right, I'm really glad to see.
More chatting and visiting with my new found friends
Geneva,Carolyn, Leigh and lunch with Ilene Beckerman
The story of her grandmother and growing up in New York
In Goldberg's candy store, where they ate no pork.
Another book signed and me late for class
I slipped in the back in the next to last seat.
Soon I was joined by the lunch time speaker
Ilene, my goodness sitting right next to me.
Do you Twitter she asked, awaiting my reply?
Not enough I'm finding out but I really do try.
It's hard for me to get right to the point
I'm Southern now, and I like things drawn out.
We planted a spruce in honor of Erma
A kid walked by and asked what's this, I'm from Burma.
Celebrating a life that made us all laugh
He nodded and bowed, what a life she had.
Dinner that night was with Gina B.
Whilst going steady with the toilet paper roll
Is the funniest thing I've heard
It 'bout made me pee.
Astoundingly funny is all I can say
What a way to end it; to wrap up the day.
So there you have it
My ode to the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop.
Erma would have loved it
…And poked fun at it!