Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
|...Both Friend and I shivered in disgust simultaneously at the man's words. I was the first to break the silence, "Nope, we're from Georgia."
"Ah, that explains it," he said.
Now, I'm not from Georgia originally, and I'm not one to get offended when my heritage is being questioned but I knew that we had just been dissed so I couldn't help myself when I asked, "What do you mean by that?"
He laughed silently to himself, shook his tambourine, spat and said, "You Bulldawgs are always busy, always got a phone stuck to ya ear and never take time to enjoy the day. Come on inside and take a look."
At his invitation, both Friend and I stepped inside his shop. Inside were some of the most beautifully hand carved wood sculptures that I had ever seen. "Did you carve these?" I asked.
"Yep, sure did. It keeps me occupied. This whole community is filled with artisans, writers, painters and crafters. You'll never know what you'll find in these shops. The inventories change with the moods of the artists. You got any creativity about ya?"
"Well, I like to write some," I replied.
"Yeah, she's the Middle-Aged Fat Woman," Friend said helpfully.
Now, you've heard of people snorting when they get tickled. That old man made some sort of noise, choked on his 'baccer juice, rattled his tambourine and said, "Middle-Aged Fat Woman, you don't say. Are you that blogger that's got that feisty mother?"
"Yep, that's me!
"Well, what about that. Ain't this a small world. I love reading all about your adventures. Have you put a book together yet? I could sell it in the store for you. What are you doing here in Mentone?"
"Just came to spend time with friends and enjoy the scenery. I want to go to Ft. Payne and see if I can find any of the guys from the group Alabama or go on over to Scottsboro and check out the Unclaimed Luggage place. I like looking at the antique stores, too."
"Have you seen the white elephant...?"
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
|A few weeks ago I mentioned that I had spent a few days up in the Alabama Mountains getting some culture. It was nice to get away without having to drive a thousand miles. I sorta live in the middle of here and not where I want to be and it's a hassle to get where I'd like to be. Some friends had rented a cabin on the southern side of Lookout Mountain near Chattanooga, on the outskirts of a town called Mentone. I would be lying if I said it was a one horse town; it's a little smaller than that.
We had arrived early on Friday afternoon and Friend immediately began feeling uneasy. First of all, her cell phone wasn't getting a signal and she is very attached to the old iPhone. Secondly, there was a strange looking man sitting on a chair that kept staring at her. In between spits of nasty smelling tobacco juice he kept trying to play a harmonica and rattle a tambourine hoping to entice folks inside his shop.
After a few moments of fighting with the phone she got a signal and was able to place a call. Somehow, at that time, while scary man continued to shake, rattle and spit, every vehicle without a muffler, every dump truck and every ATV within a 10 mile radius all converged on the same spot: the convenience store where Friend was trying to talk on the phone. I finally had to go inside because by that time I was laughing so hard I nearly wet my pants.
Friend joined me inside a short time later and had this to say: "I'm ready to get out of here. This place reminds me of one of those movies where you end up visiting, but never leave. Keep your eye out for people with chainsaws or a big tall man wearing a hockey mask. This place gives me the creeps!"
We spent a few moments cooling and calming ourselves down, enjoyed an old fashioned coke in a bottle and plotted our next move; we still had several hours to kill before going to the cabin. At that time, Mr. Shake, Rattle and Spit stopped his activities, looked over at us and with a toothlees smile said, "You girls, ya ain't from 'round these parts, are ya...?"
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
|****It's the third time around for this post. I just know that this will be the luckiest day of the year...Third time's a charm, right?
****This was what I posted last year on my lucky day. It didn't turn out as lucky as I would have wanted. So, I'm giving it another whirl. Maybe, better luck this year...year 2!
Today, August 22, is the luckiest day of the year for me. If something exciting is supposed to happen, it usually happens on this day. I can't remember the specific events (okay, maybe I can, but a girl has to have some secrets) but I do know that it was on this date. I do remember that I got my wisdom teeth pulled on this date in 1989. I know that wasn't lucky but I did get to eat mashed potatoes for every meal for a few days. And luckily, my favorite food is mashed potatoes.
I think I am going to try my lucky numbers on the lottery this evening. The problem is that I have to pick five numbers and I only have two: Eight for August and twenty-two for the twenty-second. That means that I will only get two out of five numbers and you don't win anything with just two correct. But, since it is my lucky day, I might get the other three numbers as well. I'm a winner and I didn't even know it. Now, what am I going to do with all that cash?
Friday, August 20, 2010
If you missed my earlier post about the new Walmart opening in my town you can check it out here.
So, the big day finally arrived and Walmart threw open its shiny new doors to welcome the citizens of my small town. From what I heard, you'd have thought that the President had come to town. Well, maybe an ex-President, it is somewhat of a Republican lovin' area. I'm not sure if they had a band or not but I think the mayor might have been out there tooting his horn about getting them to come to town.
I waited until I thought an appropriate amount of time had passed before I ventured over to check out the store myself. I didn't want to seem too excited. But hey, there ain't much else to do in this place. It was after 5:00 PM when I finally entered the store and as I passed through the doors I was greeted by the nicest man wearing the biggest smile. "Welcome to Walmart," he said.
That was very nice I thought to myself. I turned left inside the store and that took me toward the garden department. Along the way I passed 3 associates and was again, "Welcomed to Walmart!" I smile politely and kept moving. Toy department, "Welcome to Walmart." Automotive department, another "Welcome to Walmart." By the time I made it around to the Bakery I swore I was being followed by an Army of blue shirts and khaki panted soldiers all chanting in unison, "Welcome to Walmart!"
Holy Crap! I get it! You had me at welcome.
I had a hard time leaving the Bakery. I was the fat kid in the candy store and the smells were out of this world. I left the doughnuts alone, and instead went for a freshly baked box of blueberry muffins. Not to go Rachael Ray on ya or anything but, "YUM!"
My last stop in the store was the produce section. I wondered what the price of bananas was going to be. Thirty-two cents a pound was what the tag above the display said. Well, that's definitely cheaper, but the selection was bad; the bananas already had brown spots on them. Better luck next time, I guess.
I didn't see the chocolate dipped strawberries and they weren't having a wine and cheese tasting event. Maybe that will happen in a few months when all of the welcoming has worn off, what do you think?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
|***The following conversation took place between my mother and me a few days ago. We hadn't spoken in over a week which is unusual for us.
Mom: What'cha doing?
Mom: Oh! What'cha been doing?
Mom: I see.
Me: How was your trip?
Me: Did you do any sight-seeing?
Mom: Well, we started to get out of the car once, but it was too hot.
Me: I see. When did you get back?
Mom: A few days ago. Did you do anything for Friend's birthday?
Me: We were gonna go fishing, but it was too humid. Went to the casino instead.
Mom: Oh, my! How much did you lose?
Me: None! I came out ahead for a change.
Mom: Wow! Good for you. What about Friend?
Me: Well...it wasn't her day. She did get to keep her birthday cake, though.
Mom: Hahahahaha. Lololololololol. Hehehehhe...
Me: You shouldn't laugh at that...
Mom: I can't help it; it's funny to me.
Me: I'm going to cook a birthday dinner, do you want to come eat?
Mom: Come to your house? In this heat? Heavens, no! It would be fun to watch you play musical air conditioners, though. Well, gotta go, Wheel of Fortune is on. Bye.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
If you've looked at the calendar lately you should have noticed a lot of dates lining up. Once the double zeros flipped over we've seen 01/01/01, 02/02/02, 0/3/03/03 and my favorite: 04/04/04 (my birthday). And you can't possibly forget about the luckiest day on record: 07/07/07.
We've also had days that have lined up sequentially like 01/02/03, 04/05/06 and 07/08/09. Recently, it was 08/09/10 (Friend's birthday) and a couple in southern Ohio gave birth to a beautiful bouncing baby girl. This wouldn't have been unusual except for the fact that she was born at 11:12 PM. Yes, that's right. She was born on 08/09/10 at 11:12. I wonder what the odds are of that?
Whether you believe in luck, happenstance or the natural order of things, the numbers have lined up perfectly and I think that's a good place to stop. After all, you know what comes after twelve, right?