Wednesday, July 28, 2010

What I Did For Brown


I'm not big on housecoats, especially this time of year when it is so hot. I don't have central air, I have three window units but only two can be turned on at a time.

You can't have the microwave, hair dryer or coffee pot on while more than one unit is running either because that will result in flipping the breaker, which is a bad thing.

The breaker box is in the basement which wouldn't be a bad thing if you didn't have to go outside, down the steps, move the pole that holds the two basement doors closed, grope your way through numerous cobwebs, try not to step on the big toad that lives there, work your way past the riding mower that won't budge and hold your breath because of the worm farm that Janie Bell kept down there back in the 50s.
(It's a really old house and Janie Bell was one of the characters that used to live here over 50 years ago.)

All of this results in taking certain liberties within my own home. Namely, I like to air dry myself when I get out of the shower. Since there is no air conditioning in the bathroom I usually go into the kitchen and stand in front of that unit--which is right beside the door--and which also has another window with a curtain but no shade.

The shade on the door is usually open; I like to look outside and watch the seens. Recently, I had an unexpected visitor, the UPS man. He and I have become friendly this past year. He had been admiring my mini greenhouses that I raised over a 100 tomato plants from seed in since March of this year that I took and sold at the flea market.

He usually backs the truck down the driveway because there isn't anywhere to turn around out back. I usually hear the truck because they are pretty loud. I don't know if it was the radio blasting, or the window unit roaring, or I just had my head up my ass because I heard a knock at the door and then everything seemed to go in slow motion.

I jumped, looked through the shade on the door, saw him, screamed and crossed my arms across my chest.

Brown's eyes shot straight up, he stumbled backward and nearly lost his balance and dumped my packages on the chair outside. "Nothing to sign," he said. "Have a nice day."

I didn't move, I was too mortified to budge. I had just flashed the UPS guy. Goodness, with my luck, the Jehovah Witnesses will be pulling in next. After the shock wore off, the worry set in: What was his reaction? Will it make things weird between us? Maybe, I do need to wear a housecoat?

Later in the evening I was sitting out on the porch when I was surprised to see another UPS truck pull into the driveway. Yep, it was him and he had a package in his hand. Oh crap, what am I going to say to this guy? Before I could say anything this is what he said: "In all of the excitement this morning, I forgot this one, and by the way, nice package."

17 comments:

Helen said...

OMG!!! Thanks for the hearty laugh!

Ace said...

That could soooo easily happen here with the way the backdoor/hallway/kitchen is set up. I wouldn't be drying in front of the fan, but most likely digging in the dryer for something to put on since it is right by the door.

Lola said...

"Nice package". Great line!

stella said...

OMG Im still laffin. lol But my theory is he will prolly see more packages in his career and forgit what that one looked like. lol

The Apple Pie Gal said...

Ok..Laughed my butt off but please please tell me it was all just a bad nightmare! :) p.s. I do the same thing!

MA Fat Woman said...

Helen- You're welcome!

Ace- If it happens be sure and let me know.

Lola- Once I got over my embarrassment I appreciated it even more.

Stell- I don't know; I would hope my "package" would be a little memborable.

Apple- No nightmares there. Just deal with it and keep going.

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

Oh, that's hysterical. You painted quite a picture. You did well considering what happened. I would have moved.

HulaBuns said...

LOL! This is great! I think next time you see him you should say "Your package isn't so bad either" back to him (make sure to add in a wink at the end of it). :D

MA Fat Woman said...

Kathy- Moving sounds like a good idea but I'm well entrenched in my ways; I'd probably flash the next guy too!

Hula- He DOES have a nice package!!

Jen said...

This is funny! I wonder what he was thinking when this happened..lol. I want to know what he says on his next delivery. Have fun. ~Jen

Lesia said...

Helen gave you a shout out so I had to come see what she was talking about. OMG that was too funny. You are a funny blogger and I will be reading and commenting as well. Hope you find a housecoat soon. Or maybe not! smile.

Laurie said...

A RIOT!!
What was in the package?
Sometimes after a run, I'll throw my sweaty duds in the washer and run upstairs to the shower...I am now going to be more aware.

Joy said...

Hilarious!!! That's a great story!!!! Hugs!

MA Fat Woman said...

Lesia- Thanks! I'm on the lookout for a summer housecoat or house dress as my Granny used to say.

Laurie- I think he was talking about my chest area...not the actual package.

Joy- Back at ya!

Marla said...

No he didn't!?!?!?!?!?!

ROFL!!!!!!!!!

Diana said...

That is absolutely priceless! Love it!

Deb said...

Holy freaking open-air racks batman! That was hilarious. Thank you for sharing.

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