Friday, July 16, 2010

Early Morning Malfunctions


"Snap!"

"Uh, oh, it looks like we've got an early morning malfunction here," said my doctor. "That's what happens when you're the first patient of the day."

Now, I don't care if you are my worst enemy, I wouldn't want you to hear those words--especially when you're lying prone, in an unclothed position and you're feet are up in the stirrups.

Without being too graphic, the instrument that was supposed to be doing the spreading stopped working; actually it snapped in two pieces and pinched me. Needless to say, it made me jump straight up out of my paper gown.

The damn thing was made of plastic. It seems that as a cost cutting measure it is cheaper to buy plastic instruments instead of having someone sterilize the antiquated metal devices.

What's next? Open heart surgery with a plastic butter knife...

This appointment concluded my week long saga of doctor appointments. I started the week with a root canal and crappy pain drugs and ended with an early morning malfunction.

The good news is that I'm years away from my first colonoscopy...

4 comments:

stella said...

LMAO Im sorry for laffin, but the way ya tole the story it was funny. I can relate, I hate those dang salad tongs they use. Not to mention the elephant Q-tips and forked tree limb to dig around with. On the upside you survived. Now jus wait till ya have a mamogram, yeh those are fun.

MA said...

I had the mammogram this week too. Plus another visit to the dentist.

Grayquill said...

There are times when I can't see a down side to being male. Your story prvided one of those moments. Sorry - I guess. Sounds horrible. I would like to say I understand but we both know that would be a lie.

josie said...

uhhhh that hurts, yeah the price of being a woman..

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