Top Ten Signs You Are Home From Vacation

I just returned from my cross country bus ride with my mother and am trying to get back in the swing of things. We had a lovely time--ate lots of new food and met lots of new friends. We sat in the back of the bus...and let me tell you...the crowd back there had way more fun than the front of the bus. But, before I tell you all about it, I give you the top ten signs you are home from vacation: 10. There is not a single piece of edible food in the house. 9.   Your pets won't acknowledge you at all. 8.    Your stomach growls and you realize that you might have to actually cook again. (Once you go to the store.) 7.    You've got mail! 6.    That smell you noticed right before you left has turned into a green ooze underneath the edge of the stove. 5.    There isn't a clean stitch of underwear...anywhere to be found....plus you're out of laundry detergent, too. 4.    The first credit card statement has already arrived and you are totally shocked at how much you spent on a handful of t-shirts for the folks back home. 3.   There's no money to pay for anything until payday which is a week away. 2.   No more standing in line to use the ladie's room. 1.   You just had the best night's sleep in a month because you're sleeping in your own bed! There you have it, I'll be back later...after I take care of everything I mentioned above.