Anything Goes At Red Lobster...Part II

...I tried closing my eyes and not looking at my sister to keep from laughing but my shoulders were shaking and tears were streaming down my face. My niece and my sister's best friend who was with us looked at us like we were out of our minds. In between gasps of air I was able to say this statement: "Old...woman...(gasp)...just farted." Heads bobbed in unison and then the rest of the table began to laugh too. Meanwhile, our server had arrived with our drinks just in time to witness this jovial outburst. He looked at me with questioning eyes and I managed to blurt "she farted" and motioned to the table behind us. He thought that I had meant my sister and gave her a glance and left us with this parting remark: "You do what you need to do because anything goes here at Red Lobster." I started to correct him but he was too quick and had headed back into the kitchen where I heard muffled sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen staff. We had begun to settle down some when the waiter came back to take our orders. He gave my sister a wink and said, "You toot all you want too honey. Your secret is safe with me!" We gave that young man a very good tip!

Anything Goes At Red Lobster...Part I

After spending time in the hospital recently my sister decided she wanted to go out for a nice meal as soon as she felt up to it. She likes seafood so we chose Red Lobster as our destination for the evening. There were four of us seated at a small table and my sister and I were seated next to one another. We still had a slight case of the giggles from earlier in the day when we had been making fun of her doctor who had a very bad bedside manner. We had placed our drink orders and were perusing the menus when I noticed the table next to us standing up getting ready to leave. Normally, I wouldn't have noticed such a minor detail but one of them had bumped into me when they were standing up. I glanced around just in time to see and hear an elderly woman snap off the loudest fart imaginable as she was being helped from her seat. Well! Slap me, poke me, hit me, nudge me, do whatever you can to make me silly, because my eyebrows shot up and my lower jaw hit the floor. The NERVE! of that woman. We were in a public place! Meanwhile, my sister who couldn't see but had heard what had just taken place looked at me for confirmation of what she thought she heard. My face said it all! We looked at each other and just lost it. You know, there are times when no matter what you try you just can't stop laughing...