Fishing Elbow

I don't know if Fishing Elbow exists or not, but I have it. I cannot fully extend my left arm, so, I am using my right arm to compensate. Let's face it, I'm not a switch-hitter. I'm not Chipper Jones. (Go Braves) I think my condition started when I went fishing with my niece. It was the first fishing trip of the year and I was a bit rusty with the cast. Have you ever tried to cast a line and forget to depress the button that lets the line go out? The result is something that sounds like PLOOMMPPPHH. Not only have you strained your arm and almost thrown yourself into the lake, you also look quite silly when you realize what just happened.(I usually look around to see if anyone saw what happened)(Someone usually has) I think the condition was aggravated even further when I went fishing on vacation. I was fishing from the pier which requires a heavier weight(sinker) and a more violent cast to keep the line from entangling with the pylons of the pier. You don't want to hear that Ploomph sound when you're fishing from the pier. More than likely, that weight will bounce back and hit you in the head, knock you out, or send you flying over the edge to go swimming with the sharks. I haven't even mentioned trying to fish from the surf in a 30 mph wind. (That's another story) All I know is my elbow hurts and is making life difficult. I am doing things(use your imagination here), unsuccessfully I might add, with my right hand that I never dreamed possible. Fishing Elbow is a real medical condition and should be studied further. I think I'll go practice being right-handed. Hey Chipper, can you help me out?"

Letting The Worms Go

I just recently got back from vacation and am just now getting back into the swing of things. I opened the refrigerator door to check out what was needed from the grocery store(Groan)and was met with an unusual looking container. It was a small round blue plastic container with holes punched in the lid. (Hu oh!!) It was the worm container left over from my recent fishing trip with my niece. I had thought that I had taken care of that before I left. I guess in all of the excitement in planning for the trip to the OBX, something(Do I dare?) or someone got left out. I don't particularly have an affinity for worms. We're not on a first name basis. We don't go to the mall together. I've never been invited over for tea. We've never hidden from the paparazzi together. I didn't invite them to go see Sex and the City with me. I did take them fishing with me, but, I don't think that counts. I opened the lid on the blue container and gave it a little shake. Nothing. It didn't smell bad, no mold or other stuff growing. I shook it again, and things started to slither.(EEWWW) My arm jerked up, I jumped back, and black dirt, worm poo and worms that had been in cold storage for ten days went flying everywhere.(OMG)(OMG) I yelled hysterically, scared the cat and sent him sliding across the linoleum. My nervous tic began ticcing. My heart was beating a mile a minute. My nerves were a little shaky. What in the world had just happened? I gathered myself and stepped back to assess the damage. On the floor were approximately 6-7 worms in various forms of slither. Black dirt was scattered in a 5 ft radius. The blue container had rolled across the room and the lid was nowhere to be found. My cat poked his head around the corner and asked, "Uh, Whatcha gonna do now?"(What was I gonna do?) I sprung into action. I went to the pantry, got the broom and dust pan, and in the blink of an eye had swept everything back into its container.(Without touching anything)I opened the door, walked over to my garden area and dumped the worms. I let them go. Later that day, I walked over to check out the garden area where I had let them go and I couldn't find any remnants of the dirt or the worms.(HHMMMM) As I was walking away, I thought I heard someone whisper something. I looked closer and a worm was motioning towards me, I inched closer and the worm says, "Hey, middle-aged fat woman, wanna go fishing?"

Fishing With My Niece

My niece is visiting for a few weeks this summer and is staying with her Grandma(My Mom) who lives over in the next town. She called me up and asked when I was gonna take her fishing. I said I wasn't do anything tomorrow so I would be there to pick her up bright and early. Silence from my niece. How early she wanted to know? You know Aunt middle-aged fat woman (that's what she calls me) I don't usually get up before noon.(Harump) I said I was gonna get there about 8 AM, any later than that (as my Dad used to say) is classified as noon and you're gonna be burning daylight. I guess I got there about 9 AM and to make a long story short we were on our way. After numerous stops to get gas,($54.00) breakfast,($9.24) worms(EEWWW) and drinks we headed off to one section of the local lake. We got there and men were working on the bathroom and it was a really long walk down to the shore. We decided to go somewhere else. We got to another section of the lake and a ranger wanted to know if we were with a special group. I said no we're trying to go fishing. He said sorry, but they just closed the beach for the day.(Great) So, off we head to the last part of the lake where the dam is located. Its open and has 2 port-a-pots. I told my niece you better go now if you need to before they get to hot. We gathered all of our gear and headed down to the shoreline. Water was being released through one of the locks on the dam so we were getting hit with the spray which was kind of refreshing. The sun was shining brightly with only a few sparse clouds. I was looking for just the right spot when my niece turns to me and says, "You know I don't touch the worms, right?" Silence from me. What could I say? I was thirteen once and now I'm the middle-aged fat woman and I still don't touch the worms...thank goodness I remembered the artificial bait.