She Said The D Word

Mom and I were out loafrin' the other day and decided to go to Pizza Hut for lunch. It was late in the afternoon and the place wasn't very busy. We were listening to a couple sitting in a corner booth across the restaurant (yes, they were that loud) talking to the manager about how they had been here, there, and everywhere, and done this, that, and each other. I'm not sure what we were trying to talk about, but suddenly I asked Mom if she had tried the new Dominoes crust. At that exact point in time the waitress walking behind me, tripped over her feet and dropped the tray that she was carrying. "What did you say?" she asked. I repeated what I had said about trying the new Dominoes crust, and dang it if she didn't drop that tray again. Only this time it was on the customers seated a few tables away from us. "Hey Larry! (the manager) This lady just said the "D" word. Can you believe it? Do you think we should make her leave?" What followed next could best be described as an uncomfortable silence. I'm usually not at a loss for words but Mom and I just stared at each other and waited. And waited. And waited. I'm sure it was only a few seconds but it seemed like an eternity before the know-it-all piped up in the corner and said, "You know, I used to work at Dominoes, we used to do this, and their crust was blah, blah, blah..." We just smiled at each other and shook our heads. Like I've said before, know-it-all's, there's one in every crowd.

Using Big Words

I’m sure you know one. There’s one in every crowd, at every function, standing in line for the restroom and talking wildly with their hands while others around them try to nod politely and act slightly interested. It’s the person that has a comment for everything, an answer for every question and always has to have the last word. They are the know-it-all, the so-called and self-proclaimed Einstein of the group that admittedly draws you in with an intriguing word and has your full and immediate attention. Then you begin to listen, really listen, and with a sardonic chuckle to yourself, you realize that they are actually full of crap. Are you that person? Maybe, you’ve been a victim of that person? Recently, I was a party involved with one of these people and am still unsure about what actually transpired. My know-it-all was discussing recent celebrity events as if they were an actual participant in the happenings. This is what actually, undeniably, purportedly, seemingly and really did happen, they said. They knew exactly, the who, what, when, and the where, the whole life story and even some of the past life stories. They were large, and in charge, until Charles walked in. You see, they were talking about Charles. Charles had somehow stumbled into the area where the know-it-all was holding court, lambasting Charles for things that were totally untrue—questioning what was the point of Charles even being in the news. Charles never told where they were from, what they did for a living, or held the hand of every person that wanted to be a celebrity too. Charles isn’t your mentor, your friend, or your wet nurse for that matter. If you had gone a little below the surface, and not just back through the last five events, all of your questions would have been answered. Instead, you chose to spew half-truths, lies and declarations using big words that have absolutely the wrong and incorrect meaning in the context for which you were trying to use them. Get a dictionary, get a thesaurus, get a life, and get the entire Book of Knowledge, sold on Amazon for $19.99. But whatever you do, get your facts straight. If you are going to be the know-it-all, at least make sure you can back it up.