I'm Not Loving It

It was 98 degrees today. It was hot. I tried to stay indoors for most of the day, but the cat wanted to sit out on the porch. There is no sense arguing because the cat always wins. While we were sitting out on the porch the mail ran. There might be something important in the mailbox so I made the trip up the hill and back down again. Of course, there wasn't anything important, just two advertising fliers soliciting pre-paid funeral plots. As I flung myself into my plastic patio chair I hit the seat and slid right off catching myself before I hit the ground. It was so hot that I had become completely drenched in sweat from walking up the hill to get the mail. I had had enough; I grabbed the cat and went back inside the house. I stuck my head in the freezer to try and cool myself down. In case you're wondering, sticking my head in the freezer is a trick I learned growing up, we didn't have any air conditioning and it could get really hot during the summer. Sticking your head in the freezer cools you off quickly. While having my head in the freezer, I checked to see if I had any ice cream. (I didn't) After all, what's better on a hot day than a bowl of ice cream? My appearance wasn't at its best, so, I decided a trip to McDonald's to go through the drive thru would have to suffice. I love the ice cream cones at this fast food giant. The cone only has 150 calories (not that I am counting) and only costs about a buck, you can't beat that! I grabbed my keys and the cat and hopped in the car. It's about three miles into town, just enough time to blow out the hot air in the car and for the air conditioning to begin to cool things down. The anticipation was beginning to build, I looked over at my cat and he licked his lips. When he goes for a ride in the car he usually ends up with a treat of some kind, and doesn't seem to mind going. It was hot. I was hot. The car was hot. The steering wheel was almost too hot to touch. I got stopped at all of the stop lights going into to town. I had to pull over twice; once for a funeral and the second time for an ambulance. I finally pulled into McDonald's and the drive thru lane was backed up around the building. (I guess everyone thought ice cream was a good idea) Can you say I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream? It's finally my turn at the window, "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?" "It sure is hot, ain't it? I'd like an ice cream cone please," I replied. "Yes ma'am, it is hot. I'm sorry, but our ice cream machine is broken. Would you like something else?" I screamed, the cat screamed, the whole drive thru line was screaming. No ice cream. Ba dup ba dup baaaa, I'm not loving it.

It's Going Fast

I don't really know where the time has gone. I looked at the calendar and realized that the dog days of August are almost upon us. This led me to check my little black book (Yes, I have one) to see if I had accomplished everything I wanted to do this summer. Here's a partial rundown of what is in my little black book: 1. Go fishing at least one day a week [x] 2. Go to the movies at least 3 times [x] 3. Mow the lawn without having a nervous breakdown [x] 4. Go to the beach for a week [x] 5. Keep my air conditioning bill under 300 bucks [x] (so far) 6. Go see a play in the woods [x] 7. Win the lottery [ ] 8. Solve the NY Times crossword [ ] 9. Buy a new lawn mower [ ] 10. Meet Tom Cruise [ ] I'm batting .600, (6 for 10) which is pretty good. I've got a lot more things on my list to get done. I'd better hurry because summer is going fast.

Seens From The Porch

I was sitting outside on my porch like I normally do when the weather cooperates just minding my own business. It was a little steamy in the early afternoon as you would expect it to be this time of year, seeing as how it is almost mid July and we are in the south. I wasn't doing much, sipping on a Diet Coke, looking across the driveway and over to what I call my green spot. It is actually the backyard of the house next door. (Which is vacant) It has flowers growing wild, and flowers that I have tried to grow (But always end up killing) in different pots scattered about the area. It isn't anything fancy, just a nice green area to look at. I'm not sure what time it was, I think I had slipped in an out of consciousness several times when all of a sudden my cat proceeds to jump on my lap and scare the @x%*# out of me. I opened my eyes and had to blink several times to clear my vision. (Or try to anyway) I know I couldn't have been napping that long for it to be nearly dark outside. That means I would've missed my supper and the middle-aged fat woman ain't known to miss a meal, so something must be up. I saw the first bolt of lightning hit down the road a piece. I counted off the seconds and it took three seconds for the thunder to roll my way. (It was close, only three miles) As the rain began to go splat, splat, kerplop and all the other noises that a summertime thunderstorm can make I was amazed to see the lightning bugs. Hundreds of them. Either the storm scared them all my way or I was in for one heck of a storm. I have never seen lightning bugs in the afternoon before. It was an awesome sight and I was glad I got to see it. This is one of many things that I have seen from my front porch. It's a true story, I seen it with my own eyes.

Summertime...Not Yet

It's only a few days before summer officially starts and something amazing has happened. I live in the south where normally this time of year temperatures are pushing 95 degrees with 80% humidity.(Talk about a steam bath) It's early afternoon and I'm outside sitting on my porch. There's a slight breeze blowing, cars whizzing up and down the road, birds chirping and taunting the cat who is just as surprised as I am that we are outside at this time of day. I just checked the thermometer and it's only 78 degrees. Are you kidding me? This feels more like a late March or early October day, not mid June. How beautiful the sky looks! I'm thankful Mother Nature has given us the opportunity to enjoy these last few day of spring before the summer sizzle sets in. Have you been outside yet? Take my advice...find a porch and go sit on it. I think I'll go make myself a lemonade!!