Sad Sack

Several months ago, Friend and I had went to a local antique auction in the neighboring town. Nothing really interested me until a large box of old, dusty burlap sacks came up for bid. I had the winning bid and became the proud owner of 25 vintage burlap sacks. After sitting around a few weeks gathering more dust, I had come up with the idea that I would make market bags and art pieces out of half of them and take them to the flea market to sell. I thought it was a good idea but no one wanted to buy any. I put the bags up on eBay and still no bites. The market bag that I am giving away for the gift card guessing contest is one that we had made. Mom and I were beginning to wonder if the bags weren't cursed or something. The only burlap pieces I sold was the plain, boring sacks that hadn't been altered in any way. I think I sold about 3 of them. Anyhow, all of that background info brings me back to this past weekend. The month of January in the North Georgia Mountains has been cloudy, cold, icy and snowy, as has most of the Eastern United States. Definitely, not what we're used to. So, when temps in the mid 60s was forecast under sunny skies, you could bet that a lot of folks were going to try and get rid of their cabin fever. And what better way to do that than to go walk around the flea market and buy some junk. I decided that I would throw some stuff into the car and see if I could sell something. At the last minute, I grabbed up the remaining plain burlap sacks, roughly 12, I believe and threw them in too. The flea market that I normally sell at hasn't opened up for the year yet, but there is a new one that I have been wanting to check out a few miles down the road. I set my wares out next to a nice lady that was excited to be there. Her daughter, son-in-law, and three kids had been staying with them along with a husband that drank, five dogs, three cats and a pot-bellied pig. Her drunkard husband had gotten into a fight with the daughter and said if they didn't start bringing in some money soon, they might have to butcher and eat the pot-bellied pig which they called Fluffy. Needless to say, this made everybody mad and no one was talking, so the lady got the hell (her words) out of there and came to the flea market. About 10 o'clock or so, somebody must have opened the gate because that place filled up fast. You would have thought I was giving away money the way folks was swarming around my table. And best of all, they were actually buying. As usual, no one was paying attention to the burlap sacks until a guy walked over that was dressed in boots, bib overalls and a John Deere hat. "Where'd ya get them sacks at?" he asked. "These are find to in this good of shape." "I got 'em at an auction," I said, and proceeded to tell him what I wanted for them. "Sounds fair. I'll take all of them." "You will!" I was so surprised you could have pushed me over with one finger. "What are you going to do with them?" "Oh, we use 'em to kill hogs." Oh. Oh. My. Oh. My. Goodness. I really didn't need to know that. "Well, okay. You have a nice day," I replied. About that time, a small group of people walked up to my new friend's table which turned out to be her family. After a short discussion, she walked over and asked if I had any more burlap sacks. "Nope, I might have one more at home. What'd you need one for?" I asked. After a few moments, and with a look of resignation, she said one word: "Fluffy."

Potty Mouth Of The South

Last weekend, Mom and I went up to Harrah's Casino in Cherokee, NC, for a night on the town. I had procured last row seats for us to watch a live cooking demonstration by the charming and butter loving Queen of Southern Cuisine, Miss Paula Deen. Mom and I weren't totally in the back row (3rd from the back)but we were far enough away that you had to watch one of the large projection screens to see what was happening on the stage. I'm not really sure what I was expecting, but I was definitely surprised at what I got. Somewhere between calling a few ladies in the audience "Bitches" to discussing "things" that she blew with her son, I began to squirm and feel uncomfortable in my seat. Mom noticed I was uneasy after another colorful off the cuff remark and said, "Ain't she funny. I heard she was raunchy." Raunchy. My mother just said the word raunchy. I'm no prude by any means but is raunchy really the word you want to hear your mother say? What about funny? What about What's she cooking next? Maybe even I love it when she says, Hey Ya'll? But, definitely not raunchy. And so the show must go on. Me, in a state of total disbelief that my favorite TV chef was no longer the Queen of Southern Cuisine but had morphed into the Potty Mouth of the South. Mom, sitting upright, erect with nose peeled to her binoculars totally transfixed by the sights and sounds emanating from her hero, Paula Deen. Paula didn't do any cooking. One of the chefs that work for her prepared the meal while Paula paced the stage and took questions from the audience in a Carol Burnett Show fashion. It was a three-course meal prepared for a few lucky folks that got to sit up on the stage. Several of her family members were there including her Aunt Peggy; brother, Bubba; husband, Michael and son, Bobby, and they all sat on the stage shaking their heads as the TV chef peppered the audience with as much fire that is found in her signature hot crab dip. One of the highlights of the show was when Bobby spoke about a couple that he had met the night before in the new Paula Deen Kitchen restaurant. The man, having been injured in an accident was now wheelchair bound and relied heavily on his girlfriend of many years as he continued his recovery. Paula asked the couple, who were seated in the row right behind us to come down to the stage. Once there, the man proposed to his girlfriend (she accepted) and they got to sit at the table with the other guests. It really was an awesome moment! Later, as we stalked Paula around the casino (she was hanging out in the high roller section) and were waiting in line to eat, we overheard a group of seniorly, cackling old bitties complaining about the fact that she hadn't cooked and had used such salty language. Mom, who had removed her Walkman to listen just shook her head in disgust. "I don't understand what was so bad about it," she said. "Them women been blowing stuff probably their whole married lives. Friggin' prudes!" Whatever you say, Mom!

Revised Contest Post

Well, it seems like I have stumped the readers of MA Fat Woman. Only one brave reader tried to venture a guess of what gift cards I received for Christmas. I gave you a very good clue that one of the cards was from a new place that opened up in my town last August. To give you another clue, almost every county seat in America probably has one. Easy, if you ask me. To also encourage audience participation, I am going to remove the Longhorn and Home Depot answers so you will only have to guess 5 out of 8 which should help. 1. Amazon 2. EBay 3. Walmart 4. Kohl's 5. iTunes 6. Starbucks 7. Sears 8. Visa Leave your guesses in the comment section and the winner will receive the handmade burlap bag that we made last fall. The contest is open to international readers and family as well so give it your best shot. The winner will be announced in a few weeks! Happy Guessing!

Let's Have A Contest

In honor of the blog's 500th post which is rapidly approaching, I've decided it's time to have another CONTEST! I thought about it for a few days and came up with something that I hope is a bit challenging and fun: It's a game about gift cards. I also had to come up with the perfect prize and I could think of nothing better than one of the recycled burlap totes that Mom and I made last Fall. Okay, here are the details: For Christmas this past year, I received five (5) gift cards for various places and things. The cards can be used in person and online. You could walk into any store that has a gift card section and buy these same five gift cards. It's not something obscure like Modene's Beauty and Bait Shop. You're challenge, if you choose to accept it is to guess where the gift cards are from. I am going to list ten (10) places that utilize gift cards and you have to choose the correct five (5). Simple enough! 1. Amazon 2. EBay 3. Walmart 4. Longhorn 5. iTunes 6. Home Depot 7. Sears 8. Visa 9. Starbucks 10. Kohl's Pick the five that you think I received this year and leave it in the comments section. The winner will get the burlap tote pictured above. If there are multiple correct guesses then we'll draw the winner out of a hat. The winner will be announced on the 500th post which is about two weeks away. Guess as many times as you want. I'm going to give you a hint to get you started. One card I received is from a new store that opened in my town that I wrote about back in the summer. Be sure and check in regularly because you never know when I'll be dropping a hint. Have fun and good luck!

Hey Ya'll! Guess Where We're Going?

Mom called me up a few months ago wanting to know when we were going to have another adventure. Being as how the economy is still slower than slow, the Thanksgiving holiday, Christmas, New Years and trying to plan something around her Zumba and Belly dancing classes, we either haven't had the money or the time to get anything planned. Until now. A few weeks ago I received a flyer from one of the casinos that I used to go to back when I had a disposable income. I must have forged a very special relationship with them because they are the only folks that I ever receive any mail from. It's all addressed specifically to me and they always says how much they've missed me. When was the last time anyone sent you a letter that said that? Anyhow, the casino, which is Harrah's Cherokee located in Cherokee, NC, has been undergoing a major facelift. New hotel towers. New parking garages. New, totally huge auditorium with seating for 3000. And, seemingly the best of all, according to them, a new restaurant designed by the Queen of Southern Cuisine and whose favorite food is butter, Miss Paula Deen. Hey Ya'll! The flyer said the Grand Opening of the restaurant will be January 22, 2011, and Paula will be there to do a show and presentation and will officially open the eatery which supposedly resembles her home down in Savannah. I was so excited that I was drooling all over the flyer. Have you ever had Paula's macaroni and cheese? DDDDDDrrrrrrrooooooooooooolllllll. (In my best Homer J Simpson voice.) Mom loves, loves, loves Paula Deen. Did I mention that Mom loves Paula Deen? I wonder if she would like to go? Wouldn't it be a nice surprise if we went away for the weekend and Mom got to see Paula and I got to eat her macaroni and cheese? Do you think it will snow again? Cherokee is located in the Smokey Mountains, you know? Valentine's Day is coming up, too! Okay! I just talked myself into it. I got the tickets and am going to surprise mom with them. Her computer got eaten by a virus so she hasn't been reading the blog lately. The Geek Squad isn't coming until next week. Brother and Sister won't say a word. NO family members are to call mom until next week. It's a surprise, people! So anyway, that's what I'll be doing this weekend. Losing money, eating mac and cheese and laughing with mom. Wish you were here! Best dishes!

Wordless Wednesday...Remember This?

Winter's Icy Grip

The house sits quiet, stunned into silence. Whiteness, shone forth like a blinding ray. Rareness, for a Southern day. The coldness doth come. On occasions so rare Never lingering Evaporated Gone into thin air Beautiful to some, the perfect colored balls Shivering, Suspended Frozen in time Where is the warmth, Where is the breeze It's pretty, we know But we're beginning to freeze Southern snowfall, unusual to see Unusual still, to stay past day three Ol' man winter, please take a trip Loosen, your hold, and release your icy grip.