Who Needs Cable Anyway

I've been really busy lately. The mail has been piling up; sorry, if I haven't gotten to your fan letter yet. It's the first of the month and the bills need to be written out. I haven't turned the television on in weeks. My lawn has reached knee high; both mowers are broken. I still haven't planted any flowers and my tomato plants are still at the store waiting on me to buy them. Locally, it seems that the only place that was doing any hiring, full or part time for that matter, was the Census Bureau. I applied for a position, took the test and now am the proud owner of a black shoulder bag that says Census Bureau on the side. It's very official looking, and in my sporty red Mustang, I'm sure I totally look the part. I have been met with blank stares several times and I'm sure they are wondering to themselves, "Why is there a middle aged fat woman standing at my door?" Anyhow, I had some free time last night so I flipped on the TV wanting to watch Sportscenter on ESPN. It was supposed to be on Channel 17, but somebody moved it. Instead, I got the backup choir from the local Live Free, Worship Constantly, Watch out for the Snakes, Convert or Else Mountain Church, and bless their hearts, they were a little off key. I flipped up to the next channel and I didn't get ESPN2, I got the neighboring church and they were singing off key too. The next channel was wrong too. It was supposed to be ESPN Classic but now was showing a softball game between those same churches from 1998. It was really hard to discern what was going on because everybody was going crazy because somebody had let the snakes out. I then punched in the Food Network station and got a local government meeting. HGTV was now showing a blank screen and A&E had become C-Span 24 or something. By this time, I was over it and just turned off the damn thing. I grabbed up the pile of mail and laying on top of the stack was a letter about three weeks old from the cable company. Basically, it said that they were moving all of the stations around and upping the bill by about 10 bucks. Nice. I pay a cable bill to watch programs that I normally can't see on a daily basis. If I wanted to listen and watch people sing off key I'd tape myself in the shower. I might just turn the cable off. Everything I like to watch is available on the Internet anyway.