I was up at the mailbox this morning when my eccentric neighbor, Merlethem Shatz, spotted me and came rushing over. For obvious reasons that I've chronicled before I try to avoid her whenever possible. However, I'm usually not successful and end up with an earful; today was no exception.
"Hey! Middle-Aged Fat Lady! Where you been? You ain't been setting out on the porch lately?"
"It's been too hot," I replied.
"Whew! I know what you mean. I've been chafed in more places than I care to mention. I been through a whole bottle of Goldbond Medicated Powder. Tell your sister I said thanks for those coupons; they really came in handy. Did you watch the Stand Up To Cancer Telethon the other night?"
"I watched most of it. I was amazed that they got all three of the network news anchors to be together on the same channel," I said.
"Well, I wasn't too concerned about that. I've been saving my change and I wanted to make a donation," Merlethem said.
"That's terrific. Did you make one?"
"I did, but it took me all night!"
"Why? Was the line busy?" I asked.
"No. I kept hanging up on them," she said.
"What did you do that for?" I asked.
"I kept getting people I've never heard of before," she said.
"I don't understand..."
"Every time I called I got a volunteer or someone that I've never heard of. I got that Kathy Griffin woman three times. Ain't she on the B list or something?"
"Well, I don't think it's very nice to hang up on people. Those folks are volunteering their time and energy."
"That may be true. But, I'm volunteering my money and if I'm going to make a donation. I want to talk to a celebrity. A real one."