A Different Kind Of Fundraiser

The local high school band where I live is having a fundraiser. For one day only, you can get name-brand mattresses for 30%-50% off regular retail prices. Don't you find this ironic? As a member of the high school band, I have always known that I definitely beat to the sound of my own drum but mattresses, c'mon, man? Isn't it the goal to keep teenage kids off mattresses--there is this whole thing about "no sex before marriage" and "abstinence is the best policy" and "okay, we know you're going to do it, anyway, but please don't tell us about it?" Don't you think that some of these mattresses might be used--and by used I mean for something other than just jumping up and down on them? And you know there has to be that one kid like Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High that is walking around going, "Dude, this is killer; they're bringing the beds to us. Are you gonna pass that thing or what?" And another thing: Do you think the community has been putting off its desire to purchase a new mattress set  in anticipation of this event. "Oh, honey, we can sleep on the box springs for a few more weeks. You know the band is having their fall fundraiser when the kids go back to school." I'm not being judgmental or anything because God knows I sold my fair share of Wisconsin cheese in a crock and summer sausage that wasn't quite ready for human consumption to everyone on Cherry Fork Road and at my mother's workplace with moderate success. I don't think I would have had the same success with mattresses. I really think that delivery would really pose a problem. I can hear me explaining this to my mom: "Mom, the mattresses are in--I think we'll only need two semis to get them delivered." What do you think the prize will be for the band member that sells the most mattresses? His or her own new mattress set? I can just hear the Spicoli kid saying: "Dude, you scored. Is that a nice mattress or what?" And speaking to his favorite teacher: "Yo, Mr. Hand--the band is selling mattresses; isn't that righteous? I might get one for the van..." Needless to say, I recently purchased a new mattress set and I won't be able to participate in this fundraiser. Now, I do need a new refrigerator and if I ever see a fundraising sign for that I'll be the first in line and marching right along.