An Ode To The EBWW...2016 Version

*****Author's note: This is my version of EBWW '16 and it's a really long post. I've tried to include as many as I could in this and my previous post. I hope you'll read through clear to the end. I saved the last word for Erma and she says it best. Enjoy! For two years I waited to be with my tribe once again, My registration, plagued with troubles, was outsourced to Sister's best friend. Not again, she said, what's the problem this time? The power is out, so get off the line I tell ya, I feel it, a sell out it'll be Six hours later, the whole world could see That the word was out about our Erma club No tickets remained, not even on Stubhub Soon it was the new year and new people dropped in, Worrying and wandering, starting a new trend. What to wear, what to bring, should I have my nails done? Stop fretting, we said, we're here to have fun No one cares what you look like, Or if you're gonna walk, or take a bike The new venue is close, the shuttle runs all day, Please stop stressing, it's gonna be okay Soon it was March with Dayton on our mind Chilly and windy, north of the sweet tea line A few days with family, the nieces and friends Finally, it's Wednesday, March 30, time to check in This time was different, the third time's a charm I'm staying at the Marriott and not the family farm Too much I've missed, in the room, halls and bar I might have a drink since I won't drive my car I rolled right up to the hotel's front door My eyes popped wide and my heart hit the floor Sitting out front was our own Gina B Bout time you got here, wanna have lunch with me? My stuff's right here, so go check in Don't look so surprised, the fun's about to begin Meet you back here, I'm starving, let's meet I know of a place, it's off campus, just up the street A wonderful lunch, the time flew by, We'd better get going, I think you know why It's off to the library where I'm the emcee I must go prepare, they'll be looking at me The contest winners and Betsy Bombeck, too My family is coming, they want to meet you Thanks, doll, my pleasure, the week's just begun Don't know about you, but I'm here to have fun Six trips later, my car now unpacked I wondered aloud, did I need this much stuff? My cooler was filled, the Diet Coke on ice Why yes, I agreed, 3 bucks for a coke, not at that price At the library to celebrate the contest winners Wonderful essays read aloud by those that entered Entered the contest, their words shared with us Waffle irons, plumbers, shape shifters and tattoos A drive by wave, to Betsy I gave Sister and friend watching, I tried not misbehave Four years ago I waited in line Only to be told we're out of her books at this time Not this time, so I snapped up two Elizabeth, my friend, I have one for you From our friend Gina, a shared name Rose Her stories live on, inside of my prose It's back to the hotel to wrap this night up A phone call I placed, looking for friends We're drinking, I'm told, you wanna come up? Certainly, I did, I didn't want it to end The time had flown and we're only one day in Where could I go to find more of my friends? A trip in the elevator down to my floor Come to the bar, don't go through your door More people to greet, new ones to see I'm looking for Cathryn and Judy C Right there they sat eating at the bar I've admired you both, mostly from afar Conversations on life and living in the south I couldn't stop talking once I opened my mouth California's a place, I've yet to see You'll love it you said, take it from me Back to my room trying to wind down I hoped to sleep in cause no cats were around An ear piercing alarm at three am A tornado watch issued, good grief, I'm wide awake again Checking my phone I was glad to see The alert for Atlanta and not for me I closed my eyes and settled back down Sleep was illusive nowhere to be found The light back on, it was 4:15 To work on my pitch, since I couldn't find my dreams The words were coming, I couldn't shut them down I posted on FB, anyone around? It's 7 am and I'm down to the lobby Fresh coffee, new friends and Mary Lovstad She was the first to join, but wasn't the last An hour later, it's packed, we're having a blast Off to breakfast we kept pulling up chairs Too many to count, we were everywhere I said my goodbyes, the pitch on my mind, Back to my room to see if I could find The three or four words that still wouldn't come The walls closed in I needed some fun Down to the lobby with laptop in tow Looking for words, trying to catch my flow Not much later, A Canadian named Kelly Sat down beside me and listened again I read it to her, but there's a problem with tense It's a problem of mine, it makes me feel dense A short time later more friends passed by When down to the lobby someone caught my eye It was Cathryn and Judy, looking for coffee What'cha working on they said? Isn't it too early? I threw out my pitch to the Hollywood crew The beginning needs work, who're you pitching this too? Kelly and I, we stared at each other Incredible, she said, a gift like no other Soon it was time to head in for lunch Our crew kept growing, another large bunch Back to the lobby, I greeted all that came in Cabin girl, Elaine, Rose, and Jo, all my friends Many, many others introduced to me We know you they said, are you on the faculty? No, I am not, but it's what I do I'm here to greet old friends and everyone new We all checked in and received our nametags Dinner approaching we carried our Erma swag Wanda, Suzanne, Kate, Leslie, Kate and Pam Sievers Barbara, Gail, Astra, Judith and my first wine spritzer Patricia Wynn Brown our fabulous emcee Started off the conference as we waited patiently For the wine to be served and the chicken passed about I kept waiting on dessert, the lemon cake I hoped, waiting to be handed out The evening speaker was Roy Blount I had difficulty hearing, of what he's all about More fun and laughter and more people to meet I excused myself I really was beat Still it was midnight but the sleep wouldn't come An early morning loomed, I was up with the sun. I ordered room service cause I needed protein Muffins and pastries aren't my friend. Out the door I went, I boarded the 7:30 bus Speed dating for writers, was first up for me Tracy and her whistle keeping up with the time And agent I met with I'd screwed up big time I wasn't prepared, I didn't know what to expect No time to fret it was onto the next Cindy Ratslaff, who asked good questions Listened to my pitch, please come to my session Onto the next I met Katrina Little I'm coming to your class I need help with description I'll see you then, Saturday at nine Your pitch is good it really sounds fine Alan Zweibel of Saturday Night Live fame His class was packed everyone knew his name Sitting in the back with Christy, Lori, Ginger and Jim We laughed our asses off, we had no shame Out came the cameras, selfies galore I can't get up, as my butt hit the floor We giggled and giggled and then laughed some more I'm okay, but no more squatting for G. An old softball injury, I've got two bad knees A short break to grab a refreshing quick snack Jim and I off to the next class and we sat in the back Judy Carter and the Message of You Writing exercises and a brave few To come up to the front to tell of their mess Amazement around when they all were finished Shari Cooper sitting tall in her chair I have cerebral palsy, so why do you stare I'm a snappy dresser and have great hair So keep on looking, I don't really care Just cause my body looks different from yours Doesn't mean my mind isn't better than yours So keep on staring and looking at me I'll be laughing, it'll be good to see When I have your job, You'll all be saying, the laughs on us, that darn Shari? Time for lunch with Amy Ephron Stories of her family but I couldn't really see My back to the stage I looked out at the trees It's Friday afternoon, already half over Off to another session Jenny Lawson, she of The Bloggess website Brutal honesty of problems she's faced Anixety disorders written all over her face It's her first conference but you did a great job We all laughed and listened and you didn't get mobbed Another short break and the last session of the day It was Erma 101 with our friend Gina Barreca If you lean in will men just look down your blouse Had the crowd roaring, it was a packed house Erma was insurgent, a housewife to be heard Hundreds of papers we hung on every word Three times a week she pumped out the columns Her collective word count extremely large in volume Friday was over and back to the hotel I waited on Gina as she spoke to everyone Jane C Rosen walked us out to her car Hop in, she said, it isn't that far A convertible I said, let's put the top down It's a nice day, Gina agreed, let's take the long way around We giggled like schoolgirls as we drove back Signing books in the parking lot, now that is so WHACK! Friday night dinner, a reading of Wit's End David, Christy, Jen and her friend Keith, Gina, Barbara and Gail We laughed and cheered all without fail For what we were watching now that I think back Was our Erma's columns, it was her life Her three children seated in the front row Childhood recalled, the memories flowed Another late night with dessert, wine and friends I speak for many others, we didn't want it to end Everywhere I went and happened to be Hey look they yelled, it's our new friend G. Saturday morning, our last day of fun My body said sleep, these hours you keep It's not something you normally do You missed the first session, shame on you Off to the venue, I found Erma's Selectric A photo op for sure, before it got hectic Minding my business recalling all the fun Holy crap, I asked, are you Amy Dickinson? A few moments later Gina breezed in They greeted each other just like old friends Newspaper columnists read all around the land Sometimes being late makes you onhand For once in a lifetime meetings like these Our nighttime speaker, Leighann Lord breezed right in Another great photo, how lucky I am Nice shirt one said, it was my green Jimi shirt Talk to me later, I wanted to blurt No time for that, on to the next session, then lunch with Kathy and Cindy Come sit with me, I'm Wendy Liebman I know who you are as my knees started to shake Her dessert I spied and wanted to take For the salad and cold soup aren't favorites of mine A Cadbury egg in my bag I was glad to find Another session before my big chance To share with others what I've been trying to do Stop rocking you said, you've got this, it's you My name finally called the nerves went away Thank you so much for deciding to stay The feedback was good and you taped it too For me to have later, I really owe you Our Saturday night special, one very funny lady She reflected on her parents, both pushing 80 The house stood up, a standing ovation A great way to close, we gave applause with no reservation Next on the list was the comedy workshop Fifteen brave souls busting our chops Many first-timers, who did a great job Three minutes of time, we felt we'd been robbed I could have stayed and laughed all night We'd got to go, some said, I've an early flight We closed down the bar and they kicked us out We had our own session, lounging about In the hotel front lobby While the bowlers came and went Dropping rhymes with Abbe and Lela Davidson Angela, Jim, Ginger and Jill We rocked the mic, we were writing on the fly And in walked another, a very drunk guy Come join us we said, we're here just tonight I can, he said I've got a late flight A big thanks too the hotel staff For putting up with us, as we made them laugh Rapping and rhyming and expressing ourselves We were using our skills, no longer on the shelf Being creative, it's really up to you Lots to think on as we endured Erma flu The four days gone by, ever so quickly I hoped it'd missed me and I wouldn't be sickly For my birthday was close, we missed it by one day But my Erma friends had a lot to say Happy Birthday, my friend, we're gonna miss you Thank you very much, I'll miss you too. Now, I've returned home to a yard that needs mowing Basking in the beauty of Erma, it's ever glowing So Teri, our captain, another job well done I'm happy to say, I was a lucky one This workshop, life-changing I'll say it again It's a blessing for writers, it is our best friend I'm happy to speak and spread the word Of Erma Bombeck, I'll give her the last word It takes a lot to show someone your dream But always remember we're on the same team Never get discouraged and continue the fight Three words you need, YOU CAN WRITE!