I Knew You...

...but, I don't know you. It seems like everybody and their brother is now utilizing the new social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook. I am on both of those sites and so is Brother; however, we are not friends. And that's okay. I have yet to jump into the world of Twitter. I'm not sure if fans of the MA Fat Woman really want to know when I walk into a men's room by mistake or get chased down my driveway by my crazy neighbor as it actually happens. That would take the fun and enjoyment away that I experience when I sit down and rehash the whole story as I pound away on my Commodore 360. Since I have an addictive personality I'm sure that if I joined Twitter I would become obbessed. After all, who doesn't want to know when Ashton Kutcher or Big Daddy Shaq goes to take a dump. I know I do and I'm not joking. When I was a child and I would watch television I always wondered if Hollywood people went to the bathroom. Thanks to Twitter I now know the answer to that question! One less thing to worry about. As for people from the past coming back into your life I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I have approved and been approved by people that I knew when I was younger. I've read reports on Facebook etiquette that it's okay not to approve an Ex or someone that was detrimental to you in the past. Once a psycho, always a wacko, stay away from me is not a bad policy to live by. As for those friends that somehow just drifted away over the years I can honestly say that I knew you...but, I don't know you now. It's great to hear from you and I'm glad you're still alive and kicking. I'll say hi and it would be nice if you said hi back. I don't want to know your waist size, your butt size or how many beers you can drink on a Friday night. Yes, we've both changed a lot since back then, no, I don't get home much, and I may or may not be going to the reunion. Remember when we used to do this and you used to be skinny. Yes, I remember those days, and hopefully, one day, I will be again. I'll say it again. I knew you... ...but, I don't know you now. Nor, do I want too! Let's just leave things in the past, shall we? Can we still be friends?

What Would Jesus Tweet? (WWJT)

As you have probably heard by now, everybody and their brother is now on Twitter. Athletes, movie stars, politicians, and even Oprah are now on Twitter, as well as everyday Americans like my friend Crotchety from Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars and Kathy from the Junk Drawer Blog. They've been pestering me as to when I was going to get signed up so they could follow me during my day and see what's it like to be the MA Fat Woman. I mean who doesn't want to know when I'm washing myself and a load of clothes? The World Wide Web is anxiously waiting for the Tweet that says "I shouldn't of had that extra helping of beans or broccoli" or "My mom announcing that we are going to have another yard sale." (Which we had this weekend, BTW.) All of this leads me to the biggest question of all: What would Jesus Tweet? (WWJT) Would he tell us to straighten up and fly right? Would he tell us to stop being so mean to one another? Would he tell us to stop spending so much money? Would he tell us to spend more money? Would he tell us to help out someone in need without wondering what was in it for them? Or? Would he tell us that he just fed the starving masses around the world with a break through new technology? Would he tell us to start preserving our resources better? Would he tell us to pay more attention to the elderly people because they have lots to share? Would he tell us that he's amazed at the technology behind Twitter but wonders why people are so desperate, desolate and down and out? What would Jesus Tweet? I don't think it could be summed up in 140 characters or less, do you?