Lost In Translation

It's amazing to me sometimes just how prevalent Facebook has become these days. Friend and I were out enjoying what North Georgia had to offer one weekend afternoon (antiquing and avoiding the tourists) when a visit to the local Chinese buffet sounded like a good idea. At this particular restaurant they have a row of American food as well as two rows of Chinese food which is good because I do like a little spicy meatloaf with my egg drop soup. The food is normally good, depending on what time of day you get there. In case you were wondering, the best time to go to a buffet restaurant is about 45 minutes after it has opened (leftovers from the day before have usually been eaten by this time) or about 5:30 p.m. (when the food that has been sitting since morning has been removed and fresh food for dinner has been served.) If you go mid afternoon or 15 minutes before they close then you're solely responsible for the consequences: hardened, dry food that has developed a crust on it or no food at all. (Just don't say I didn't warn you.) The proprietor of the restaurant, a nice oriental lady, would periodically make her way through the restaurant, smile at the patrons, walk to the buffet area and stir everything that was sitting under the glowing heat lamps and then return to the front where she also manned the cash register. In between these activities, of which I was soon to find out, she was at her computer totally engrossed in an animated adventure called Cafe World. Cafe World is one of the many addicting games on Facebook. Not only was the lady running a real restaurant, she was also running a virtual one. (Not sure if she did the same things at her virtual restaurant.) When we approached the counter to pay I made a comment (like I always do) about her playing and said I like to play Words With Friends. "Oh, not me." she said. "I not spell so good. I like Farmville and Cafe World, no spelling or Engwish involved." It was at that particular time when I looked down and saw the handwritten sign that I have seen in more than one Chinese restaurant on more than one occasion. The sign read 'We no accept checke'.

After The Fact

I, along with thousands of other folks became a fan of "Get Betty White to Host SNL" on Facebook a few months ago. And, amazingly enough, SNL listened. From the reviews that I read, everyone said it was a knockout and the ratings were through the roof. The ratings were high, yes, and why shouldn't they have been? Betty is a great comedic actress and at times, her punchlines can rival Bob Hope or George Burns. She is funny, really, really funny. Saturday Night Live...not so much. The skit that I liked the best was about the Census worker (I wonder why?) and it was the very last one of the show. The opening skit (about Lawrence Welk) was funny, but after that, you lost me. The whole Macgruber thing was just strange. Now, I'm not a comedic writer (a paid one, anyway) but even I could have come up with something that might have gotten a laugh. What about a skit about the Mary Tyler Moore show? Shoot, most of those guys are still alive; a skit about Seniors trying to do the news. I can see it now: Anchors going into cardiac arrest talking about sports or having their false teeth fall out when they catch a glimpse of the newest weather girl. Anyhow, Betty was on the Tonight Show a few days later and told Jay that she was glad that was over, she had been very nervous. Now, the rumors are going around that they are trying to get her to host the Academy Awards. All I can say is WOW! I'd tune in to watch that. On another note, on Facebook, they are now trying to get fans to jump on board with "Get Carol Burnett to host SNL". I totally agree with that, she's funny. As a MA Fat Woman, I am almost at the age where I don't matter anymore, age 44. According to all of the researchers, ages 25-44 are the top spenders and after that, well, folks just tend to fade away into the distance, their money unspent. Somebody better wake the hell up because that is totally NOT true. SNL is on the right track by letting someone other than a 22 yr old blond, bimbo that has starred on a reality show host the program and whose only qualifications are giving oral sex to the producers. Barbie, you're not funny, give it up! Hey, Lorne? You're an old guy, too! There are lots of other older stars out there that would be great hosting Saturday Night Live. You can start with Carol Burnett, then Eddie Murphy, Goldie Hawn, Whoopi, Billy Crystal, the list goes on and on...

I Knew You...

...but, I don't know you. It seems like everybody and their brother is now utilizing the new social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook. I am on both of those sites and so is Brother; however, we are not friends. And that's okay. I have yet to jump into the world of Twitter. I'm not sure if fans of the MA Fat Woman really want to know when I walk into a men's room by mistake or get chased down my driveway by my crazy neighbor as it actually happens. That would take the fun and enjoyment away that I experience when I sit down and rehash the whole story as I pound away on my Commodore 360. Since I have an addictive personality I'm sure that if I joined Twitter I would become obbessed. After all, who doesn't want to know when Ashton Kutcher or Big Daddy Shaq goes to take a dump. I know I do and I'm not joking. When I was a child and I would watch television I always wondered if Hollywood people went to the bathroom. Thanks to Twitter I now know the answer to that question! One less thing to worry about. As for people from the past coming back into your life I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I have approved and been approved by people that I knew when I was younger. I've read reports on Facebook etiquette that it's okay not to approve an Ex or someone that was detrimental to you in the past. Once a psycho, always a wacko, stay away from me is not a bad policy to live by. As for those friends that somehow just drifted away over the years I can honestly say that I knew you...but, I don't know you now. It's great to hear from you and I'm glad you're still alive and kicking. I'll say hi and it would be nice if you said hi back. I don't want to know your waist size, your butt size or how many beers you can drink on a Friday night. Yes, we've both changed a lot since back then, no, I don't get home much, and I may or may not be going to the reunion. Remember when we used to do this and you used to be skinny. Yes, I remember those days, and hopefully, one day, I will be again. I'll say it again. I knew you... ...but, I don't know you now. Nor, do I want too! Let's just leave things in the past, shall we? Can we still be friends?