Fat Feet, The Flu And Hemorrhoids...Part I

I bet you've been wondering what I've been doing since I got back from vacation? Besides obsessing over my bad tomato the title of this post pretty much sums it up. I've been recovering from fat feet, the flu, and hemorrhoids. TMI? (Too much information for the uninitiated.) If you've been a regular reader here at MA Fat Woman, you know that we like to reflect on many different topics. If you're new, well, I just told you that we like to reflect on many different subjects. Got it? Good! First of all, I would like to send a BIG GET WELL to my friend Joe at Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars, he's a little under the weather. On to other things. It seems the older I get, the less I'm able to sit for long periods of time without getting fat feet. What are fat feet, you may ask? Fluid buildup. Swollen ankles. Water retention. Cankles. All of the above, actually! I just call it fat feet and no matter how I try to prevent it, I'm able to retain about a pound of fluid for every hour I'm in the car, and all of it in my feet. It took us about 8 hours to get down to the beach house. In the time I spent riding with 2 teenagers, watching my feet get fatter by the mile, I put on for my city...eastside...westside...southside, on, on for my city. I got clobbered by blaming it on the Al-ah-ah-al-ah-alcohol, blame it on the rock, blame it on the hinny? Somebody wanted to take a ride on my disco stick? (I didn't have one the last time I checked.) My father owns several grocery stores and you'd be amazed at what they sell in there these days. I spotted several Volkswagen Beetles and was punch buggied, no punch back to the point of tossing a couple kids into Mobile Bay. Did I mention 8 hours in the car? You do the math--8 hours equals eight pounds of fluid. Not to mention if I heard one more 'Are we there yet' or 'I'm bored'. Oh wait, that was me! Kids really don't know what to do when it's an adult doing all of the complaining...