The Nerve Of That Woman...Part I

I had to go to Walmart the other day to pick up a few things I needed and took my cart over to the checkout lanes when I finished. Of course, all of the lines were extremely long so I just settled into line behind a little old lady that closely resembled my late Granny. "Oh, my goodness!" she exclaimed. "I don't know how these people can get away with charging 3 dollars for a loaf of bread. I'm just a little old lady on a fixed income and I can't afford these prices. I stayed at home my whole life caring for my husband and my children only to be left nearly penniless by some fat cat up in New York, Wall E Street, I think it's called. That madman, Milhoff, took all of our money and spent it on thousand dollar golf shirts. A thousand dollars for a shirt, who would pay that? I was hoping to have an easier time in my Golden Years and now I can barely afford food for me and my retarded son. I had to leave him out in the car because I upset him when I get to complaining about these prices. I don't mean to, but I'm doing the best I can." "I'm sorry to hear that," I said. I felt sorry for the lady, I really did. Times are tough all over. I hadn't lost any money to that Milhoff guy but I had lost one of my part time jobs and was beginning to feel the pinch myself. It was finally her turn to begin placing her items up on the register belt and she began talking to the cashier and pointing to me in a friendly manner...

Grocery Store Blues and Blahs

At some point in time you're gonna have to go to the grocery store. And once you get inside those doors, (let me tell you) you are going to be experiencing sensations that you've never felt before. What sensations am I speaking of? How about frustration. As you begin your walk down the vegetable aisle your glance takes you to the lettuce section,(a salad for supper would be nice you think to yourself.) $3.99 for romaine hearts....nope. Moving on you spy a salad mixture that contains different kinds of lettuce, carrots and radishes for $3.79....your lips purse and you raise your left eyebrow. Next, you come to a head of lettuce...it's $1.89. Okay, you might be able to work with this. Now you need to get some tomatoes($2.49), carrots($1.99), mushrooms($4.29), and lastly cucumbers($1.99). Doing a quick mathematical computation in your head you realize that you have over $12.00 worth of produce in your basket for one salad...no way. As you reverse your steps and place everything back in its proper location your mood suddenly improves....Wait a middle, you're the middle-aged fat woman, you don't like salad anyway.