Watching My Neighbor Mow

Its a beautiful sunny afternoon and I am trying to get some chores done, but I keep getting distracted. I keep hearing a noise and finally go to investigate. It's the man who mows the grass next door and he's got a brand new, sparkling red riding lawn mower. He spies me watching him and throws me a wave or something like that. It's all I can do to restrain myself from running outside and try to hijack that thing ride out from under him. I'm usually not the violent kind, but the middle-aged fat woman can only take so much. I stand there pondering my options, do I give a wave, throw a finger up or just walk away. He's kind of crotchety anyway, but I decide to throw him a wave. Well, the next thing you know, over he comes and offers to let me have a go. I'm kind of reluctant, but I remember the green monster in the basement, so I hop right on. Wouldn't you know it, I'm hooked. I finished mowing his yard and mowed my again. As I drove up to him, he took his hat off and scratched his head. "I'll be back in two weeks," he said. "Will you be around?" (I'll be right be here, why don't you just leave the mower with me?)

Somewhere Dad is Laughing...Lawnmower Blues...Part III

When spring approached this year, I decided that I was going to get the riding mower fixed. My brother had mentioned that he would put a new drive belt on it to see if that would make it work. After spending an entire afternoon working on the mower he was able to get it to run(with one condition.) No sharp turns while operating on an incline.(HHHHMMMMMM) It seems that something is bent somewhere and if you make a sharp turn on an incline the belt will slip off, thus locking down the wheels once again. (Oh boy!) Have I mentioned that I live at the bottom of a hill with pine trees and gopher holes everywhere? It is nearly impossible to avoid going uphill and not making any sudden turns. I usually mow every other Monday and have had only one episode with the mower this year. Since it was Father's Day, I thought it would be a nice tribute to Dad to mow the lawn on his special day. I was able to get it to back out of the building without too much effort.(Slight incline) The weather was beautiful, the sun was shining, a slight breeze was blowing the grass trimmings away from me, and I was chugging right along. I was mowing in the side yard which I havn't mentioned before because it requires only 3 or 4 passes with the mower. I turned around and all of a sudden it stops. I hadn't broken any of the rules. It wasn't on an incline and it wasn't a sharp turn. I had dropped it down into 2nd gear on the turn because it was a tight area to manuever in, wrong thing to do. The dang thing won't run in anything less than 3rd gear or higher(which can be alittle scary)sometimes. There I sat. The middle-aged fat woman proceeded to throw and pitch the biggest fit that I could possibly muster. Sailors were blushing! Toddlers were staring in awe that someone could behave worse than them. My cat slunk back into the house...and my Dad is laughing. I slammed that mower into 6th gear,(nothing) put it into reverse,(nothing) rocked it back and forth,(nothing) then it began to smoke. Good, I thought, blow it up. Then I'll go get a new mower. I began to calm down and realize that it wasn't going to work. I went over and sat on the porch wishing that Dad were here to give me a hand. I suppose about half an hour went by and I thought I would try one more time to get it to run. It cranked on the first try, I slipped it into 3rd gear, popped a wheelie and off I went, laughing and crying at the same time. I think it was Dad's way of letting me know that he will always be there, watching the wheels go by.

Somewhere Dad is Laughing...Lawnmower Blues...Part II

As the owner of the cheapest push mower available, I dread the day when I have to mow the grass. It usually takes at least 5 pulls on the cord before the engine will putter, stutter, strain, go BANG and then go POW. (This tends to make my nervous tic, tic twice as fast.) My arm is about to fall off, and I have rope burns on my arm from where the cord wouldn't pull out fully and has caused me to fall on the ground. (I think I remember this from my childhood.) As I allow myself the opportunity to cool both my temper and my body, my eyes slide over to the sparkling, gleaming riding mower with the numbly things still on the tires and my temper flares again. (Big piece of junk)(Why does everything have to be so hard?) I pull the cord once more and surprisingly the engine sputters to life. If I'm careful with the push mower I am able to mow in 10 minute increments before something causes it to cut off. Thus goes year 3 in the life cycle of my beautiful relatively new riding mower. It sits in the basement, wheels locked into place looking totally innocent while screaming "Sucker" to anyone who walks by. (Dad is saying somewhere, "That's my girl!")...to be cont'd

Somewhere Dad is Laughing...Lawnmower Blues

I mentioned in an earlier post about my father's fondness for lawn mower wheels. Today, I sure could have used his help, because I must confess, I have the worst riding lawn mower ever made. It made it through only one season before it needed a new battery. One of the headlights quit working somewhere through season two. The first time I mowed in season three a belt broke and it wouldn't move. The wheels locked down and it wouldn't go in neutral. You had to basically slide it to get it to move.(Very frustrating!!) I don't have a big yard. It slopes downward from the road to the house. It has three big pine trees, one very large holly tree, about 14 stumps, 3 gopher holes, one satellite dish(not working), one water meter and 2 ant hills. My riding mower was so new when it broke down it still had the numbly things on the tires. Of course, it was out of warranty, so I made a few calls to see if anyone would come and try to fix it. It was going to cost hundreds' of dollars one guy said. Another guy said take it to so-and-so and they'll fix it. (Right, the wheels are locked down, the dang thing ain't moving.) So, what did I do? I bought the cheapest push mower I could. Somewhere, Dad is laughing...to be continued.