Gluttons For Punishment

You know how they say too much of a good thing can kill you, they’re right. We couldn’t leave things well enough alone. Since Mom and I had so much fun at our last yard sale we decided to do it again. I know what you’re thinking—MA Fat Woman, you must be crazy. I think I am a little. We weren’t nearly as successful as we were the last time. We did all right on Saturday, so we thought let’s have it on Sunday. We had four people show up. You heard me, four. That wasn’t even worth getting out of bed or even worth putting on a bra. I should have gone to church. I really think the only reason we even decided to continue our yard sale on Sunday was because we didn’t want to clean up all of our leftover junk. We had been up since the break of dawn; I think we were even up before the roosters began to crow. We had organized, placed stickers on this and that, we went through a case of Diet Soda to keep our engines running. We were revved up. Finally, about 6:00 PM, I told mom that it was time to take down the signs so we could relax for a few hours. As we sat relaxing in our matching recliners she was reading my local paper. All of a sudden, she shouts at me that there was an auction going on uptown. Wouldn’t it be a good idea if we went and bought some items and then turned around and sold them at the yard sale tomorrow? It sounded like a good idea at the time. We bought enough junk to fill up the Mustang and I even had to find another table to set things out on. Never in my life would I have ever imagined that only four people would show up to my yard sale. Here’s the kicker: I now have more junk than when I first started and nowhere to store any of it. As we were putting stuff away I opined to Mom about my current storage problems. “Well, you know, we could have another sale next weekend,” she said. “It would be a good way of getting rid of some more junk, plus, I think they are having another auction. You wanna go?”

Yard Sale Etiquette

It’s been well established that I like to go yard sales. Over the last few days I have even had my own yard sale—made a little money and met some really nice people. However, for those of you that have failed to learn the unspoken rules of yardsaling or have forgotten what they are let me refresh your memory. Do not show up at a yard sale before dawn; I can guarantee that the folks having the sale do not want you looking through their boxes of stuff that are sitting on the porch before they’ve had their morning coffee. Do not show up before they have posted their signs advertising said yard sale. If something is priced at $20.00, don’t ask if they’ll take a dollar for it. Do not pay for a $4.00 item with a hundred dollar bill. Don’t pay with a check. Don’t be judgmental when folks are trying to make a few bucks on the Sabbath. Don’t ridicule what others are trying to sell. If you are having a yard sale don’t follow the shoppers around checking to see if they’re trying to steal something. Don’t raise the price of an item if someone really wants it. Lastly, whether you’re having a yard sale or going to a yard sale, remember to have some fun. If you follow these simple rules of yard sale etiquette, your own yard sale adventure should be filled with lots of fun and excitement. And frazzled nerves. And aching backs. And a bunch of leftover junk that you don’t know what to do with. And a yard with tire marks all over it. And a bunch of neighbors who are mad that you didn’t invite them to join in. And after adding all up all of your expenses for time, energy, and things you sold for a loss, you made exactly $32.55 in three days. Would you do it all over again? Absolutely!

Having A Yard Sale

It sounded like a good idea a few weeks ago. I got a sudden burst of energy and started prowling around in my basement and decided that I had enough junk sitting around to have a yard sale. I’m real peculiar about yard sales. If I decide that I want to put everything together and wrestle all of those items up the hill, then I had better have something to sell. I hate going to a yard sale when all they have for sale is hard plastic children’s toys or a bunch of clothes. I consider myself to be a drive-by yardsaler; I’ll drive past several times looking to see if it’s worth getting out of the car for a closer look. Or worse, if my mom is with me, we’ll drive past a sign that says yard sale and I’ll ask her if she wants to stop. She’ll say no she didn’t see anything worth stopping for; however, if she was by herself, she would stop at all of them. You won’t find any of those items at the middle-aged fat woman’s sale—well, there may be a few items of clothing. I found some things in the basement that I had forgotten I had and I went to an auction a few weeks ago and bought several boxes of tools that I hope to sell. Men like to buy up the tools and I’ll also have a box where everything is a quarter—those quarters can add up. It’s a couple of days before the big yard sale day and I have worn myself out. I found some old sterling silver items that I detarnished and am going to sell. I painted and reupholstered a patio furniture set that is older than me and have found all of my folding tables. I’m ready to go. My mom has returned from her second trip of a lifetime and wanted to know what I was doing this weekend. I started to tell her about the yard sale but decided to keep it a secret. Why do I do this? Every time I have a yard sale mom will bring stuff to sell which isn’t a problem. But, if she doesn’t sell it, she’ll leave it at my house for me to get rid of, which is a problem. I barely have enough room for my own junk. I’m having second thoughts about the yard sale; I could always hope for rain.

Election Year Signs

It was primary day here in the state of Georgia and I am glad it is over. For the last few months, almost every yard that I passed had a sign in it that read vote-for-so-and-so. Every corner was plastered with the same signs. Hopefully, once today's ballots have been counted, most of the signs will disappear. Don't get me wrong, I admire anyone who wants to run for office. I just can't stand the election year signs. Some of them are very colorful and are the same color as yard sale signs. As a frequent visitor to many yard sales in my town, I know what to look for. Thursdays are when I begin to look for the signs advertising that week's sales. Big, bright colorful signs placed in yards and at corners reminding me that I need to stop and buy some more junk. Many times I have caught myself looking closely at the signs only to realize that is wasn't a yard sale sign. What is especially bothersome is when I think I see a tag sale sign on a Monday or Tuesday and get my hopes up only to find out that it isn't. I am happy for those that won the election today, Congratulations! For those that didn't win, Better luck next time. Please take down your signs so I can get back to my shopping.