Conversations Of The Digestive System...Namely Mine

"Holy Crap! What was that?" "Hey, Biggy, (large intestine) you push anything out yet?" "Yo, Smalls, (small intestine) it hasn't even made it here yet!" "Hey, Mack, (stomach) what's going on up there?" "Fish and chips without the chips. Ribeye steak without the tater. Fried chicken with no mashed potatoes. Asparagus." "Fresh cole slaw made from scratch. Hey MAFW? Are you trying to kill us down here?" said Mack. "I ain't recognized anything you've been putting in me. Where's the tater chips?" "Yeah! Hey, Lady? We ain't had a biscuit down here in about three months. Ya trying to starve us or somethin'?" said Smalls. "Hey, Lady? Smalls is right. Are you paying attention to us? I ain't seen any greasy cheeseburgers in a long time. My walls are even starting to come clean from all that ruffage crap you been feeding us. Ruffage; now, that's funny!" said Biggy. "Hey, Mack! She's been eating R-U-F-F-A-G-E." "Ruffage! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Oh my! You've never eaten ruffage before. The next thing you know you'll be eating beets and rutabagas. Hey, fellas? The MAFW is gonna start eating beets and parsnips...lololol" "Beets? Yuck!" said Smalls. "I hope she stays away from the onions; those things stink!" "Yo, anyone seen Chubs (fat) lately?" asked Biggy. "Fellas, you don't have to worry about the onions; I'm allergic, remember? But, I am trying to get healthy, so ya'll better shape up. As for Chubs, he's down about 30 pounds and has learned to keep his mouth shut. Now, where'd I put that recipe for pickled beets....."

Flax Seed Bread Recipe

I mentioned that I was on a low carb diet and that I have discovered flax seed as a great alternative for flour. The following is the recipe for flax seed bread that I got off the Internet. It's best for taste purposes if you let the bread cool completely and even rest overnight before ingesting. (It's really good used for french toast.) Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 35 minutes Ingredients: • 2 cups flax seed meal • 1 Tablespoon baking powder • 1 teaspoon salt • 1-2 Tablespoons sugar equivalent from artificial sweetener • 5 beaten eggs • 1/2 cup water • 1/3 cup oil Preparation: Preheat oven to 350 F. Prepare pan (a 10X15 pan with sides works best) with oiled parchment paper or a silicone mat. 1) Mix dry ingredients well -- a whisk works well. 2) Add wet to dry, and combine well. Make sure there aren't obvious strings of egg white hanging out in the batter. 3) Let batter set for 2 to 3 minutes to thicken up some (leave it too long and it gets past the point where it's easy to spread.) 4) Pour batter onto pan. Because it's going to tend to mound in the middle, you'll get a more even thickness if you spread it away from the center somewhat, in roughly a rectangle an inch or two from the sides of the pan (you can go all the way to the edge, but it will be thinner). 5) Bake for about 20 minutes, until it springs back when you touch the top and/or is visibly browning even more than flax already is. 6) Cool and cut into whatever size slices you want. You don't need a sharp knife; I usually just cut it with a spatula. Give it a try and enjoy!