Southern Snow Seens

Somebody Stole My Winter

I live in the South for a reason: Mild winters. Normally, by this time of year we've had at least a week of 70 degree weather, my Easter Lilies are up in full bloom and I've had to pull a pair of shorts out of storage to wear. Not this year. I heard a report that some sort of weather phenomena was causing winter to actually feel like winter. I don't know if it was El Nina, La Nina, El Camino, or Vinny Del Negro; it's been cloudy, misty, drizzling, and raining the whole year. If the sun does shine for a few hours it's been too cold to be outside. I finally did get my Christmas decorations removed from the front yard--they're sitting on my front porch, but at least they're down. We did get a few flurries of snow and a half inch of ice a few weeks back. Not enough to make a snowman or snow ice cream, but enough for the kids to get out of school for a few days. The forecast is calling for more clouds, rain and possibly a winter mix. Good news though, the ten day outlook said we might reach 50 degrees  and have sunny skies for two consecutive days. Now where'd I put those bermuda shorts...

Billion Is The New Million

As I continue to watch the ever growing deficits in communities, states and the National Government I'm amazed at how common the figure billion is thrown around. Need 200 billion for automobile bailouts? Sure, no problem! How about 670 billion to help the banking industry make those yearly bonus payments? Okay, we can do that too! Can I get 999 billion to fight wars on two fronts? Wars? I didn't know we were at war, it hasn't affected me in my daily life. Well, if you say you need it, here ya go... Can I get a subsidy for health care premiums? My policy costs over 500 bucks a month. Hahehahalololol, you're nuts if you think we can help out everyday Americans, especially a middle-aged fat woman. All of these questions had me asking what exactly a billion dollars equates to; just how much is it? I received the following email forwarded from a friend. Read it and judge for yourself: How many zeros in a billion? This is too true to be funny. The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases. A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it. While these thoughts are still fresh in your brains...the new proposed spending spree is being touted in trillions. Yes, trillions! 1,000,000,000,000. That's a lot of zeros...and that's about how much the average American can expect to get.

How You Doin?...Week V

We're five weeks into the New Year and in my best Joey Tribbiani voice I ask "How you doin"? I thought I'd start a weekly feature here at Reflections that would encourage you to stick with it. I think I'm doing it more for myself, actually. If I write it down each week, I can hold myself accountable. But, please, feel free to play along at home. I did really crappy this week. I finished my 21 day plan and took the rest of the week off. I'm planning to begin a new 21 day period in a few days. Are you laughing at least once a day? Have you given someone a nice compliment? Have you become a follower of the MA Fat Woman through Google Connect I'm blaming everything on the icky weather. I hope you were more successful with your weekly tasks! Also, if you would like to be included on my blog roll, please leave your info in the comments section. MA Fat Woman

Do You Bake?

I was trolling through Walmart the other day along with every other first of the month check recipient (remind me never to do that again) and the joint was hopping. There were chains of old people staggering and wobbling, trying to stay upright. You know when a younger, more agile senior will offer an arm for assistance and it will be grabbed and held onto for dear life. You don't want them to fall and break a hip or something. Anyhow, I saw several groups where they were walking four and five abreast, grimaces on their faces, as skeletal and bony phalanges were dug deeper and deeper into their respective forearms as they struggled to maneuver about the store.. They were making me nervous so I headed on over to the automotive section until they were through with their shopping. After a half hour or so spent looking at the different viscosities of motor oil (who knew)I headed back over to the food section where I noticed a nice looking, older lady who was smiling and motioning in my direction. Never one to miss an opportunity to speak to someone I rolled my cart over to her. "Do you bake?" she asked. "Excuse me?" "I was wondering if you baked?" she asked again. "Well, yes, I do bake from time to time," I replied. "Good, I'm glad I found you. I just wanted to tell you about the great deal they're having on pie shells. They overstocked from Christmas and now they are only a quarter each." "Wow! That is a good deal. I'll have to tell my mom about it. Thanks for telling me," I said. "I was just finishing up my part of the bargain," she said. Before I could ask what she meant she said that the lady that told her about the sale said she had to tell someone else to keep the chain going. And before I could get the words what chain out of my mouth I saw them. A chain of the seniors that I had run from earlier were staggering towards me with an armload of frozen pie shells. I'm not exactly sure what happened next but one started to slip, one tripped, another lost her glasses and down they all went. Can you say cleanup on Aisle 4? Well, I did what every smart person would do, I grabbed a couple of pie shells and got the hell out of there. Later, as I was telling mom about what had happened, she was all into it, agreeing I had done the right things until I got to the end. With a quizzical look on her face she wanted to know why I had only gotten two pie shells.

Tormenting The Telemarketer

I didn't recognize the phone number on my Caller Id but it was from Orlando, Fl, so I decided to answer it. I do have family down there, it might be one of them. It shouldn't be from a telemarketer because I am on the Do Not Call List. But every once in a while, one will sneak through. When I answered the phone and there was a pause on the other end I knew it was a telemarketer; the following is our conversation: Me: Hello? ...silence. Helloooo? Voice: Uh, hello? Is someone there? Me: Hallow? (changing my voice to a more older and mature pitch...aka senior citizen) Hallow? Voice: Okay, hello! (surprised that somebody actually answered the phone) This is Don Juan calling from MRE Orlando Vacations. How are you today? Me: Fine. Voice: Okay, great! I'm calling to invite you to a three day vacation here at Walt Disney Orlando. Do you remember when you purchased a vacation a few years back? Me: Nawp, can't say that I do. Voice: Okay, you purchased it and was unable to go? Me: Nawp, can't remember that neither. Voice: Okay, someone you know went somewhere and wrote your name down? Me: Nawp, don't know nobody ever been to Orlando. Voice: Okay, is this G Farmer? Me: Nawp. Voice: Okay, that isn't right either. Have you ever lived at blah, blah, blah (my current address)? Me: Nawp. Voice: Damn, the whole thing is messed up. Somebody has given me all the wrong information. Me: Well, bless your heart. Don't you hate it when that happens? Voice(chuckling): Yes, I do. You wouldn't be interested in a Florida Disney vacation, would you? Me: Nawp, can't say that I would. Well, Don Juan, what are you, some sort of Romeo? I gotta go, my teeth are boiling. Bye Bye! Voice: uhhh, bye. Click!

Twenty-One Days

Webster's dictionary defines habit as a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance. And an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary. Basically, if you do something enough times it should become second nature; you do it without thinking. Researchers can't seem to agree on how long it should take to learn or unlearn a habit. The days vary from 17, to 21, up to 30, and so on. A lot of it depends on the individual and the habit you want to work on. For me, it seemed that 21 days was the magic number. When I stopped smoking the first three weeks were extremely difficult to get through. Once I made it that far it was only a few more days until I had been stopped for a month. Thirty days of being smoke-free seemed impossible when I first started, but now it's been three years. This time around I have decided to focus on my physical being--that which is fat and middle aged. I can't do anything about my age. I'll always be at least this age, probably not any older though. That leaves the fat and that is something I can work on. Before you get too excited and start wringing your hands and shaking your head because you think all I'm going to talk about is losing weight, you can just calm it because that ain't going to happen. Trust me, I do not want to hear about how many pieces of lettuce I can eat or that I lost a pound after weigh in because I had an excellent bowel movement. Now, that finally gets me to where I am today. Today is my day off, and so is tomorrow. For the last 21 days, I have been forming new habits. I ate a mostly low carb diet, I drank 8 glasses of water, and I exercised every day. (I did have a jelly donut one day because I had crazy PMS.) I made a chart and put it on the fridge and I checked the 21 days off, one by one. If I made it through I promised myself a nice reward, which is a half hour massage over at the day spa. That's something worth trying for, right? Anyhow, I'm allowing myself two days off before I begin my second 21 days. I'm not going to go eat a bunch of junk, because I have most of the bad stuff out of my system now. I'll probably keep drinking my fluids too and my body has gotten used to more movement. It took me 21 days to form these new habits, I lost some weight, I'm getting around better and my complexion looks great. No, I don't think I'll take two days off, these new habits are definitely worth keeping.