Purple In Polyester...Part I

I had a job interview today. Shocking, isn't it? When the lady called to set up an interview I thought she had the wrong number. I've sent out dozens of resumes with little or no response. When a Master's Degree is as common as a Bachelor's Degree these days your resume and cover letter really need to stand out. I went back over both of my documents searching for the magical phrase or well-intended action verb that had caught the HR Department's eye but came up empty. There's nothing like short notice to light a fire under somebody's ass and that ass belonged to me. A job interview? Are you kidding? And they want me to come first thing in the morning. Are you kidding me? Needless to say, I had several activities planned for the day, one of which was a trip to Mom's to pick up the cat and the new cat because I had been hiding up in the Alabama mountains for a few days getting some culture. I walked into her house and mentioned that I had a job interview and she 'bout fell out of her chair. "Are you kidding?" she said. "Don't blow it. What are you gonna wear? You ain't worn nothing but t-shirts and shorts for the past two years." That was a problem. I have a whole wardrobe that I haven't seen in about two years now, the pre-quitting smoking wardrobe of nice sweaters, dress shirts and business suits. I do have one outfit on hand; I call it my funeral suit. It's black, wool and extremely hot; not something that needs to be worn in the Georgia summertime heat. "I don't know," I said. "I'll have to pick something up. I do have the funeral suit..." "Heavens to Betsy, good gracious NO! You are not, I repeat N-O-T wearing the funeral suit. You'll keel over for sure wearing that hot and scratchy thing. I bet I got something in the closet that would be appropriate."