|...I'm sure Publisher's Clearing House receives all sorts of weirdo and wacky phone calls and mine turned out to be no exception:
Publisher's Clearing House (PCH): "Hello, this is Ambrosia. How may I help you?"
MAFW: "Hey, I have a question about an invoice I received?"
PCH: "Okay, not a problem. Do you have the customer order number?"
MAFW: "Yes, it's 24567palm5671985."
PCH: "Could you repeat that, please? I'm showing one letter missing."
MAFW: "Uh, okay. it's 24567palme5671985."
PCH: "Okay, got it. Can you give me the last four digits of your credit card for verification?"
MAFW: "Hold on. I gotta go get it."
PCH: "That's fine, I'll wait."
MAFW: "It's 2837."
PCH: "Okay, got it. Now, could you please tell me your high school mascot for verification?"
MAFW: "Sure, it was a Green Devil."
PCH: "I'm sorry. That's not the information you entered onto your form for security purposes. Could it be something else?"
MAFW: "Hmm, not a Green Devil? Okay, try a Devilish Darling? And my shoe size is 10."
PCH: "Okay, that got it. I didn't need the shoe size, though." (No sense of humor.) "What can I help you with today?"
MAFW: "I received an invoice from you guys and I also received a bill from Vanity Fair. Am I being double-billed?"
PCH: "I'm sorry. I don't understand the question."
MAFW: "Why did you guys send me two separate bills? I thought I was supposed to pay directly to PCH and not worry about any other invoices."
PCH: "Ma'am, according to my records we only sent you one invoice and I don't know anything about the other bill?"
MAFW: "Uh, why not?"
PCH: "Why not, what?"
MAFW: "Why don't you know about the Vanity Fair bill?"
PCH: "Ma'am, Publisher's Clearing House doesn't offer that magazine."
PCH: "Anything else I can help you with? If not, thanks and I hope you win the million dollars!"
Me too, because at the rate I'm going, I'm gonna need a million bucks to pay for all of these magazines...