Bye, Bye Birthday Contest

If you've been around for a while then you know that in the MA Fat Woman's family we like to celebrate birthdays. In fact, we celebrate for a month. Two weeks before the actual day and then two weeks after. I'm not sure why we do that; it's always been that way. Also, I've always had a problem figuring out what to do with birthday cards after the fact. I don't want to throw anything away. I'm afraid I might hurt somebody's feelings if they found out that I had disposed of their carefully thought out selection to remind me that I am truly over the hill. As my bones have begun to ache and it's now impossible for me to blow out all of the candles on the cake, I've realized that it is time to let the cards go. Free them. Let them fly. Burn them. (Just kidding) But, I needed a way to remember them and then it hit me. Why not share them with you and have a contest as well? Brilliant, I say, just brilliant! Okay, here are the rules: Match the saying that was on the inside of the card with the picture on the front. I have labeled each card as A,B,C,D or E and the saying as 1,2,3,4 or 5. Leave your answers in the comments section. If more than one person guesses correctly, I'll throw those names into a hat and draw out the winning name. That winner will receive the $5 dollar bill listed below. If you have any questions, please don't ask because I don't want this to become difficult. This a good way to say goodbye to my birthday and help me remember some of my birthday cards forever. (No more boxes and boxes of old cards.) Sayings inside the cards: 1. Whoop-de-freakin-doo. 2. ...so I farted in this card! 3. !Samtsirhc yrrem 4. Happy Birthday to someone that really stands out in a crowd. 5. Hope your birthday is filled with all the good things you deserve. Cards: A. B. C. D. E. The winner gets this $5 dollar bill!. Thanks for playing and making this the best birthday...ever. I'll pick the winner next Friday!

Caption These Contest

I'm having a contest. You can caption one, two, or all and the winner will receive a 2010 Cat Calendar. I'll pick the winner on Saturday! Caption These!

Having A Contest

As we sat back from the table each of us reaching to unbuckle our pants after gorging ourselves in honor of my late father's birthday Mom looked over at me and said "I can't breathe. I ate too much, again. Let's go to Walmart". Now this was unusual because Mom hates Walmart. "Why do you want to go to Walmart"? "I want to get a new bathroom scale", she said. "Why"? "I want to lose some weight. And I am going to give you my old scale because you need to lose some weight too". "But Mom, I'm the MA Fat Woman, I'm supposed to be fat", I replied. "Now, don't you get smart with me young lady. You're not too old for me to snatch you up by the hair on your head. Besides, you told your doctor that you would work on becoming the MA Less Fat Woman. How's that coming along"? "Uh..." "Just what I thought. Here's what we're going to do: We need to start out slow and let's see if we can lose 10 pounds. We need to make it interesting and we have to stay motivated. In order to keep us motivated, I have thought long and hard about something that we could do to help us lose those ten pounds quickly. We're not going to shave our legs until each of us has lost ten pounds". "What"? "You heard me the first time. I didn't stutter. What's the difference anyway? You aren't wearing shorts out in public. And don't you always get that winter time itch from dry skin on your legs"? "But, Mom, I thought you said that when you get to be your age the hair on your legs stops growing". "Nuts! That's what we're doing. Come on, let's go get the scale. I need to go walk off some of that T-bone we just ate". So, that's how I have found myself in a contest with my mother. Neither of us is allowed to shave our legs until we've both lost 10 pounds. I'll keep you posted.