Having A Contest

As we sat back from the table each of us reaching to unbuckle our pants after gorging ourselves in honor of my late father's birthday Mom looked over at me and said "I can't breathe. I ate too much, again. Let's go to Walmart". Now this was unusual because Mom hates Walmart. "Why do you want to go to Walmart"? "I want to get a new bathroom scale", she said. "Why"? "I want to lose some weight. And I am going to give you my old scale because you need to lose some weight too". "But Mom, I'm the MA Fat Woman, I'm supposed to be fat", I replied. "Now, don't you get smart with me young lady. You're not too old for me to snatch you up by the hair on your head. Besides, you told your doctor that you would work on becoming the MA Less Fat Woman. How's that coming along"? "Uh..." "Just what I thought. Here's what we're going to do: We need to start out slow and let's see if we can lose 10 pounds. We need to make it interesting and we have to stay motivated. In order to keep us motivated, I have thought long and hard about something that we could do to help us lose those ten pounds quickly. We're not going to shave our legs until each of us has lost ten pounds". "What"? "You heard me the first time. I didn't stutter. What's the difference anyway? You aren't wearing shorts out in public. And don't you always get that winter time itch from dry skin on your legs"? "But, Mom, I thought you said that when you get to be your age the hair on your legs stops growing". "Nuts! That's what we're doing. Come on, let's go get the scale. I need to go walk off some of that T-bone we just ate". So, that's how I have found myself in a contest with my mother. Neither of us is allowed to shave our legs until we've both lost 10 pounds. I'll keep you posted.