Why Don't You Speak Proper American?

This doesn't really have anything to do with Sarah Palin. I'm glad she's still up north keeping an eye on the Russians and I'm happy that she checks in periodically just to make sure that we know that she still hasn't made the team. She and Tim Tebow (who I like very much) are pretty much the same: as hard as they try they aren't good enough to be the leader of the third string (according to some people) or even worse,  actually make the third string team. Ouch. It's been fun watching Trump and his disciples irritate about 60% of the registered voters across the country while the brain surgeon just looks around and wonders "Where do they find these idiots?" At least if Palin was thrown into the mix it would give us something else to look at other than the pinched expression on Ted Cruz's face or the ferret that crowns the Donald's head and tries to keep his ego in check. I discovered after doing a two-second Google search that Trump has the same answer for any possible question that he could be asked. Himself. 1. How will you fix the immigration problem? Donald Trump can fix anything. 2. How will you bring back the economy? Donald Trump will sell off everything. 3. How will you defeat IS? Donald Trump can defeat anyone. 4. How will you beat the other Republicans? Donald Trump will give everyone a cabinet position. 5. How will you defeat the Democrats? Donald Trump can buy anyone and the Donald is really like most of them. See what I mean? I think I've heard those answers before but the ferret must be working because he hardly ever uses his name in the third person anymore. I think that's because he, like a lot of other Americans have spoken proper American for so long that it actually now makes sense. And that's my problem too: I  speak proper American and it has done nothing lately but get me into trouble. Proper American is not the same as proper English. I use too much slang in my everyday vocabulary and after years of too many "had beens", "fixin' too's" and "ain't gonna's" my language (or lack thereof) has spilled over into my writing causing me and the people (Niamh!) (Gina!) around me needless amounts of headaches. I think I can do better, but honestly I think I need a complete overhaul. I need to strip everything apart and start with the basic person, place or thing. I've been advised to read several different books and that's what I'm going to do. My pal, Gina Barreca, says that writing is serious business and until you treat it as such you're just wasting everybody's time, including your own and that's doing a disservice to everyone. I was going to use the combination of improper words listed above in one last dramatic incorrect sentence but my new habits are already beginning to take over. Almost. Just wait 'til all y'all get a looky-loo at my new book. Gianetta says it might just be the best thing she's ever written...