What Moms Really Want This Mother's Day

Wouldn't life be so much easier for moms if we had one of those magic 8-balls to make all of the decisions for us? Starting from the morning dilemma of Should I wear the black heels? (cannot predict now) or Should I wear the blue flats? (check back later) our day could begin with the preciseness of a military drill team. Having conquered what to wear we could move on to the next question of Should I brown bag it today? (As I see it, yes.) or Hope that I will actually get the time I need to go out to lunch (It is certain.) before we head out to sit for close to an hour (most likely) in traffic while taking the kids to school, dropping off the dry cleaning and running through a local drive through before realizing that you left your purse at home (better not tell you now) while frantically checking your console for the needed change to pay for a Grande Mocha Latte (outlook not so good). But hey, pay it no mind, it's all good; you've arrived at work now and it's going to be a great day (don't count on it). You've survived a morning spat with the copy machine, a run in with your administrative assistant who is very hormonal (without a doubt) or extremely hungover (signs point to yes) before you get the courage to ask your male supervisor for a week's vacation during the busiest time of the year (My sources say no.) because that was the only slot available that the entire family could be together in one place to enjoy your family's timeshare in Panama City. Lunch was totally skipped because you were completely overwhelmed with the new government regulations (It is decidedly so.) that your company was being forced to incorporate into its bylaws and it was late afternoon before you found yourself staring into your glass reflection as you tried to choose between sweet or salty. (Reply hazy, try again.) Just when you had decided on sweet and salty you remembered that you had no money your assistant came running and said the school was on the line: Little Johnnie had been puking everywhere and needed to be picked up. (You may rely on it.) You are slammed and can't really leave so you call your spouse whose day off is today to go to the school. (Yes!) On the way there, he is called into work and since he is on-call he needs to go right away. You call the sitter who is actually a freshman in college (very doubtful) but she is studying for an exam before you call your mother. (Yes, definitely.) Someone hands you a piece of birthday cake (outlook good) before you gather yourself to (concentrate and ask again) meet with your supervisor once again before you leave for the day. You explain that a decision must be made this evening or you won't get to use your condo at all. Bracing yourself for the answer (My reply is no.) you are surprised when your boss opens a drawer and pulls out a magic 8-ball, the one you had brought as a gag gift to the company Christmas party last year. "Let me ask the magic 8-ball," your boss says. "Magic 8-ball, should I let her have off the week she wants?" Seriously, now. This man is only joking, right? Yes, he is incompetent on even his best day but letting a magic 8-ball make a decision for you? Well, why not roll with it. "Okay, whatever it says, we'll go by. Deal?" Looking up at you with a grin "Deal," he agreed. "Magic 8-ball, should I let her have the week off?" We both looked intently at the black sphere as he shook it violently and placed it on the table. The ichyshericon inside bounced around a few times before settling on the answer. (Reply hazy, try again.) Frowning slightly, he shook it again (concentrate and ask again) before it settled on the answer (signs point to yes). "Okay," he said. "You can have the week off. Besides, I've been wanting to try out Louis in your position to see if he can handle the stress." Walking away with a signed leave form in hand you wonder if you made the right decision (Better not tell you now.) but your stomach growls and it's time to go home to a sick child and another decision to make about dinner: Chicken? (Very doubtful.) Or beef? (Cannot predict now.) No, even decisions made through the magic 8-ball are not as cut and dry as they should be. (Ask again later.) Happy Mother's Day!