It's My Lucky Day...Year III

****It's the third time around for this post. I just know that this will be the luckiest day of the year...Third time's a charm, right? ****This was what I posted last year on my lucky day. It didn't turn out as lucky as I would have wanted. So, I'm giving it another whirl. Maybe, better luck this year...year 2! Today, August 22, is the luckiest day of the year for me. If something exciting is supposed to happen, it usually happens on this day. I can't remember the specific events (okay, maybe I can, but a girl has to have some secrets) but I do know that it was on this date. I do remember that I got my wisdom teeth pulled on this date in 1989. I know that wasn't lucky but I did get to eat mashed potatoes for every meal for a few days. And luckily, my favorite food is mashed potatoes. I think I am going to try my lucky numbers on the lottery this evening. The problem is that I have to pick five numbers and I only have two: Eight for August and twenty-two for the twenty-second. That means that I will only get two out of five numbers and you don't win anything with just two correct. But, since it is my lucky day, I might get the other three numbers as well. I'm a winner and I didn't even know it. Now, what am I going to do with all that cash?

Welcomed To Walmart

If you missed my earlier post about the new Walmart opening in my town you can check it out here. So, the big day finally arrived and Walmart threw open its shiny new doors to welcome the citizens of my small town. From what I heard, you'd have thought that the President had come to town. Well, maybe an ex-President, it is somewhat of a Republican lovin' area. I'm not sure if they had a band or not but I think the mayor might have been out there tooting his horn about getting them to come to town. I waited until I thought an appropriate amount of time had passed before I ventured over to check out the store myself. I didn't want to seem too excited. But hey, there ain't much else to do in this place. It was after 5:00 PM when I finally entered the store and as I passed through the doors I was greeted by the nicest man wearing the biggest smile. "Welcome to Walmart," he said. That was very nice I thought to myself. I turned left inside the store and that took me toward the garden department. Along the way I passed 3 associates and was again, "Welcomed to Walmart!" I smile politely and kept moving. Toy department, "Welcome to Walmart." Automotive department, another "Welcome to Walmart." By the time I made it around to the Bakery I swore I was being followed by an Army of blue shirts and khaki panted soldiers all chanting in unison, "Welcome to Walmart!" Holy Crap! I get it! You had me at welcome. I had a hard time leaving the Bakery. I was the fat kid in the candy store and the smells were out of this world. I left the doughnuts alone, and instead went for a freshly baked box of blueberry muffins. Not to go Rachael Ray on ya or anything but, "YUM!" My last stop in the store was the produce section. I wondered what the price of bananas was going to be. Thirty-two cents a pound was what the tag above the display said. Well, that's definitely cheaper, but the selection was bad; the bananas already had brown spots on them. Better luck next time, I guess. I didn't see the chocolate dipped strawberries and they weren't having a wine and cheese tasting event. Maybe that will happen in a few months when all of the welcoming has worn off, what do you think?

Welcome To Walmart

My small town where I live is finally going to be more than a map dot on the old trusty Atlas. We're getting a Walmart. And not just any old Wallyworld, mind you, but a new prototype Walmart as I found out. I was grocery shopping and I approached the produce section hoping to replenish my fruit bowl. I have a wooden bowl that contains apples, oranges and bananas, and sometimes pears if they're not too expensive. I say hoping because I never know if I'm going to get fresh fruit because it costs so much. Anyhow, I was at the banana display and the bananas were marked .49c a lb. (too high). There was a nice looking younger lady with an infant checking out the other side of the display working her way around to me so I could admire her baby, I'm sure. Never one for missing out on a random conversation with a stranger I began our discussion with, "Oh, my, bless your heart, isn't she precious! When Walmart opens in a few days, either the prices are going to come way down or they're going to go through the roof. Forty-nine cents a pound for bananas, isn't that awful?" "Thank you, but she is a he and he is precious. I know what you mean about the Walmart. I got to see it today." "Are they having an open house?" I asked. (Dumb question, I know.) "No. My husband is a manager there. They have chocolate dipped strawberries. It's a prototype of a new, more upscale Walmart. You wouldn't believe how different it is from a normal Walmart. They are going to even have pizza ovens, wine and cheese tastings and all sorts of stuff," she said excitedly. "I can't wait until it opens!" After she walked away and left me standing by the bananas I started really thinking about gourmet strawberries, pizza ovens and fancy cheese. What am I thinking? I'm thinking that the price of my bananas is gonna jump up to $1.49 per pound to pay for all of that new fancy smancy stuff. It opens in a few days. I'll keep you posted...

The Not So Friendly Skies

I'm sure you've heard about the meltdown that flight attendant, Stephen Slater had aboard a JetBlue Airways flight recently. It seems that a passenger was rummaging around in the overhead compartment while the plane was still taxiing to the gate. First of all, don't you hate those people? No matter where you go, or what you are doing, there is always that one person that is breaking the rules. What about the person that won't turn off their cell phone at the movies? What about the person that cuts in line at the amusement park? What about the person that has 57 items in the under 10 item checkout lane? I could go on and on. As a former customer service employee of the United States Postal Service I can understand the frustration that Mr. Slater must have felt. I have been threatened to burn in hell, cursed at, called a pigeon holer (whatever that is) as well as other unmentionable salutations all because I was standing at the front counter. On more than one occasion I wanted to "Grab a beer, open the emergency slide and get the hell out of there." I'm all about customer service but at some point the customer is not always right. And that point is usually when they are not following the rules. Rules are meant to be followed, not broken. They just don't make them for shits and giggles, you know. They are there for a reason. Would I have done what Mr. Slater did? I'm not sure. I know I wouldn't want to be facing criminal charges because I was just doing my job. Why hasn't the person that stood up while the plane was taxiing been charged with anything? Surely, there's a misdemeanor charge for not obeying official instruction or something, right? Wouldn't it have been awesome if Slater had looked at the Air Marshall and said, "Can I get some help here?" I bet that passenger would have sat down and stayed in their seat if they had a 9M pointed at them...

Summertime Conversations

***The following conversation took place between my mother and me a few days ago. We hadn't spoken in over a week which is unusual for us. Riiiiinnnnngggggg Me: Hello? Mom: What'cha doing? Me: Sweatin'! Mom: Oh! What'cha been doing? Me: Sweating. Mom: I see. Me: How was your trip? Mom: Warm. Me: Did you do any sight-seeing? Mom: Well, we started to get out of the car once, but it was too hot. Me: I see. When did you get back? Mom: A few days ago. Did you do anything for Friend's birthday? Me: We were gonna go fishing, but it was too humid. Went to the casino instead. Mom: Oh, my! How much did you lose? Me: None! I came out ahead for a change. Mom: Wow! Good for you. What about Friend? Me: Well...it wasn't her day. She did get to keep her birthday cake, though. Mom: Hahahahaha. Lololololololol. Hehehehhe... Me: You shouldn't laugh at that... Mom: I can't help it; it's funny to me. Me: I'm going to cook a birthday dinner, do you want to come eat? Mom: Come to your house? In this heat? Heavens, no! It would be fun to watch you play musical air conditioners, though. Well, gotta go, Wheel of Fortune is on. Bye. Click!

What's Your Order?

If you've looked at the calendar lately you should have noticed a lot of dates lining up. Once the double zeros flipped over we've seen 01/01/01, 02/02/02, 0/3/03/03 and my favorite: 04/04/04 (my birthday). And you can't possibly forget about the luckiest day on record: 07/07/07. We've also had days that have lined up sequentially like 01/02/03, 04/05/06 and 07/08/09. Recently, it was 08/09/10 (Friend's birthday) and a couple in southern Ohio gave birth to a beautiful bouncing baby girl. This wouldn't have been unusual except for the fact that she was born at 11:12 PM. Yes, that's right. She was born on 08/09/10 at 11:12. I wonder what the odds are of that? Whether you believe in luck, happenstance or the natural order of things, the numbers have lined up perfectly and I think that's a good place to stop. After all, you know what comes after twelve, right?

The Friend's Birthday...Year II

Birthday wishes go out to the Friend that I mention in my posts. Friend has experienced several of the MA Fat Woman's mishaps and can always be counted on for a good laugh, a no nonsense quote, or a story that will upstage mine every time. Which reminds me of a story about Friend. Friend had a big time job and several underlings at her disposal for years. When birthdays and holidays floated around they always celebrated big. Everyone got cakes, presents, and usually taken out to dinner or the such. Well, Friend was really excited when it was time to celebrate her birthday. She had heard them planning and plotting the details of the party and was very excited. It didn't turn out that way. It seems the person that had done the planning had an emergency and all of the plans fell through. On the day of the birthday, there was nothing. No dinner! No presents! And no cake! Somebody realized what had happened and ran to Walmart to get an emergency cake. The day was a Friday and the office was scarcely staffed. After about 3 or 4 people sang Happy Birthday, each grabbed a slice of cake and scattered back to their respective offices. When it was time to go home that evening Friend went into the break room to get the cake to take home... ...it wasn't there! "Where's the cake?" she asked. "Oh, so-and-so took it with her. She said nobody had chipped in, so she was taking it home!" I know! Stuff like that happens all the time to her. Happy Birthday Friend! I hope you get a cake that is all yours...