Dear Dana...Contest Winner

Dana of Dazzling Dana...You were the contest winner of the gift-card guessing contest that I held last month. You correctly guessed which gift cards that I received for Christmas. As a result, you will recieve the beautiful hand-crafted burlap tote bag shown below. Please email your address to gianettapalmer@gmail.com so I can send your bag to you. Thanks to everyone that participated. MA Fat Woman

Stop, Drop and Roll

I've learned I'm really stupid around fire. I don't know if you call what I do "panicking" or not when I get around an unexpected fire. If you count running around in circles looking at the fire, remembering frantically where I put the fire extinguisher, yelling, "What should we do? Should we pour water on it? Should I blow on it?" and "Can I hold anything for you?"--then, yes, I guess it is panicking. It all started a few weeks ago. I had a baked potato explode in the oven and it created a royal mess; spuds everywhere. The exploded potato landed on the heater coils and smoked and smoldered so much that I had to open all of the doors and windows (the stove doesn't have an exhaust) during the latest cold snap. For several hours, one couldn't tell the difference from being inside the house or out. I wanted to make a banana bread recipe that I found online but either didn't have the right ingredients nor the time to accomplish the task. Until today. The recipe called for a loaf pan that measured 9x5x3, I had a pan that measured 9x5x2.25, so I figured it was close enough and used that. The mixture fit nicely into the pan with ample room at the top for expansion--or so I thought. The bread was going to take at least an hour to bake at 325, but within a few minutes, the oven began to smoke, and smoke, and smoke. I was occupied elsewhere and hadn't noticed how bad the smoke was getting until Friend asked if something was burning. I opened the oven door and more smoke billowed out; the banana bread had boiled over and was now smoldering on the floor of the oven. (I know, I should have placed a pan under it.) Since I had been through this recently, I wasn't that worried. After a few more minutes and a lot more smoke--smoke that was coming up through one of the burners, I opened the door again and was met with a wall of smoke and a ball of fire. Holy crap! The oven was on fire. "It's on fire!" I yelled. Friend jumped up off the couch and rushed into the kitchen. "It's on fire! Get me something. Get me something!" "What should I get? You want the fire extinguisher? Where the hell is it? "I don't know. Don't you know where it is? Can you work it?" she asked as I pulled the extinguisher from the closet. "Get me some water? "Should I blow on it?" "No! Don't let the oxygen get to it. Get the racks out of there." I was going in circles trying not to panic. I had found the fire extinguisher but I didn't know how to work it. I wanted to blow on the fire or possibly even find something like a dish towel to try and beat the flames down, and now, Friend, wanted a pan of water. "Are you going to throw that water on it?" "No, I don't know what kind of fire it is. It could have grease in it. I'm going to take the bits of burning batter with these tongs and drop them in the pan of water. Now, hold the pan!" Friend, so calm, so cool, so collected, even while I'm running around in circles, thinking the only thing I really remember about fire training is to Stop! Drop! And Roll! BTW, we got the fire out and nothing was damaged. Except, maybe, the bread, it came out well done!

One L Or Two

One thing I've been wondering about lately is the correct spelling of the word canceled. Or is it cancelled? I've seen the word everywhere. Every time you watch television lately, schools have been canceled, plane flights have been cancelled and I have even seen it spelled canculled. I did a search on Google and canceled is American English and cancelled is British or Canadian English. Either spelling is deemed correct. I spell the word with two L's. I'm certainly not British or Canadian, although I have been to both countries. Another word that gives me the same problem is traveled. Or is it travelled? According to the same source that gave me the info on canculled; one L is American and two L's is British or Canadian. I spell that word with one L. So, what does that make me? Well, I surely know my ABC's. I guess I'm an American-British-Canadian! Go figure!

When Laptops Attack

My new laptop and I have been having a lover's spat, if you will---it really tries to do what it is supposed to do and I keep telling it it isn't good enough and it's basically a piece of *hit! What is really frustrating for both of us is that the relationship is only 7 months old. What could we possibly have to fuss about? Plenty! My complaints on my laptop whom I affectionately call Shiba, short for Toshiba are: You're only a few months old and you've been to the Geek Squad 3 times. You had to have your adapter replaced because something got stuck somewhere. (Whoever heard of that happening?) UPS has lost you in transit twice and you ended up in Hope, Arkansas. (Watch out for that Clinton guy; he likes young things.) After being repaired twice, you started beeping and making odd noises and then didn't want to work at all. And my top complaint is that you needed your hard drive replaced and I lost all of those fabulously funny blog posts that I spent months working on. "What do you think about that, Shiba?" "Uh, I asked you if you wanted to back up your files several times. And you really shouldn't bang on me every time you make a typo. And you probably shouldn't have dropped me on my head either..." Oh, shut up!

Ditching The Kids

Mardi Gras...30 Beads. This is the text message I received from Mom. Mardi Gras? She was supposed to be somewhere in Alabama. What the heck was she doing in New Orleans? The thought of her walking down Bourbon Street, accepting beads from total strangers, strangely enough, made me laugh out loud from the joy of it. Mom took her second trip of a lifetime in 2008, since then, she's only gone places with us kids. I know she enjoys hanging out with us, but sometimes, it would nice for her to be with folks closer to her age, or decade, which is the 50s. Mom is travelling with her brother and sister-in-law and their friends. I'm heading South in a week or so to rendezvous with them so they can hand Mom back to me. (Mom has to be home sooner so she won't miss her monthly tap-dancing lesson.) I'm sure we'll have an adventure or two on the way home; we usually do find something to get into. Mardi Gras...30 beads...a message I never expected to receive. Mom has always wanted to go to New Orleans, she just had to ditch the kids to get there. (Let's just hope she doesn't end up on one of those Girls Gone Wild videos.)

National Chili Day...Again

I love chili, and if I don't pop a couple of Rolaids and a few Pepcids it will keep loving me back, for days. Can you say peat, and repeat? Anyhow, today, February 25, is National Chili Day. There are different kinds of chili, and your tastes are usually decided by where you're from. I know Texas has dozens of different recipes for chili but the main thing about Texas chili is that they don't like beans in their chili. Other areas like to use different kinds of meat such as beef, sausage, and even chicken mixed in different quantities, and with or without beans. (Me, I prefer beans, because, well, beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat...I think you know the rest.) Some folks even like white chili, whatever that is, I tried it once at Panera Bread or somewhere, but I wanted to keep putting ketchup in it. (That's just me.) I think chili should be tomato based, but that's just one MA Fat Woman's opinion. Another thing I get confused about is using the word chili so loosely. What exactly is the definition of chili? What about the stuff you put on hot dogs? Chili, coney or hot dog sauce? What about the stuff you put on spaghetti? Chili or spaghetti sauce? Beans or no beans? Three-way, four-way or five-way? (Whoa, MA Fat Woman! What are you talking about?) (Three-ways?) (Get your minds out of the gutter.) All of this has been leading up to what I feel is the best chili going: Cincinnati style chili. I like both Goldstar and Skyline chili. Mom and I have driven up to Kentucky before to have our Cincy style chili. You can check that story out here. What makes this chili different is that cinnamon is used to give it a different taste and kick. It's really good! The below photo shows a three-way which is spaghetti noodles, chili and shredded cheese. A four-way is achieved by adding onions and a five-way by adding beans. I prefer the three-way spaghetti. Did I say it's really good? Three-way chili spaghetti You can purchase Goldstar or Skyline directly from the companies and it comes in canned and powdered forms. You can also purchase Skyline at Krogritz in the canned form, and in some locations, buy it frozen. It's good, but it isn't quite the same as tasting it yourself in person. I can never get the cheese right... Enjoy National Chili Day and have or make yourself some chili, however you prefer it. Me, I think it's time for another road trip!

My 500th Post!

Whoopie! Yay! Cool Beans! Holy Crap! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Awesome! Happy Birthday! (That one doesn't quite fit.) This is my 500th post on Reflections On A Middle-Aged Fat Woman. I've tried to think of something exceptionally clever or outrageously funny to tell you about so this could be the best post...ever! *Thinking.... *Thinking some more... *Thinking way too much now... Well, I tried. Nothing seemed to pop into my head at that moment so I guess you'll have to put up with Plan B. Plan B is a look back through the archives at my top five favorite posts. The one great thing about blogging is that there is a written record of seemingly ordinary happenings that could have easily been forgotten. The five that I have chosen reflect that sentiment. I hope you enjoy the walk down memory lane and thanks for reading Reflections On A Middle-Aged Fat Woman. 5. Fire on Cherry Fork Road 4. Mi Costinita 3. A Democrat, A Republican and An Independent...A Conversation on Health Care 2. Shakespeare...A Midsummer Night's Mare 1. What I Did For Brown Now, it's time to announce the winner of the gift-card guessing contest. The winner is Dana who correctly guessed the five gift cards that I received for Christmas. Dana will receive the lovely, handcrafted burlap tote that Mom and I made; we hope you like it! Wow! When I started on this little blogging adventure of mine a few years ago it was mainly an attempt to channel my creativity into something other than a chocolate donut. I've always enjoyed making people laugh and to do it in 400 or so words (the average blog post) or less can be a challenge. Sometimes, I succeed. Other times, I don't. But I do enjoy the process and I guess that's all that matters! Thanks for hanging out with the MA Fat Woman; I sure do enjoy your company!