Memorial Day Remembered

Please take time to remember those that have served and been lost.

It's Who You Know

I wasn't really surprised when the latest scandal surrounding Sarah Fergie Ferguson arose. After all, she has always seemed to be on the outside looking in--almost a leper where the Royal family is concerned. According to reports, when she divorced Prince Andrew, she was allotted L20,000 a year in alimony, roughly 30 grand. Meanwhile, Princess Diana received a sum estimated to be in the tens of millions of dollars per year. I know it's hard to compare the two (actually you can't, Lady Di was the People's Princess and Fergie, well, she's a Weight Watcher spokesperson among other things) but those sums seem a little disproportionate to me. If you don't follow the latest Royal gossip the gist of the matter is that Fergie was allegedly selling access to her ex, Andrew, for the tidy sum of $750,000. She was caught in an undercover sting by some British tabloid and the entire country is in an uproar. Buckingham Palace has steadfastly denied that Prince Andrew had anything to do with it and wouldn't participate anyway. I say, why not. If somebody wants to pay nearly a million bucks to have a round of golf or have dinner with the Prince and have gone through a background check, what's the problem? Will it taint the Royal legacy? (I think they do a good enough job of that themselves.) It's obvious she needs the money and she does know one of the most famous men in the world. And if she did it one time it would nearly equal a lifetime of alimony payments. So, I pose this question: Did Fergie go too far? I'd tell the Windsors to either pay up or put on a smile because guess who's coming to dinner tonight? You can't blame a girl for wanting to get paid...

Keep The Change...Not

I'll tell you something that makes me mad and disgusted at the same time. It's when you purchase something from a machine and you're expecting change and you don't receive the change. I like to use one of those automatic car washes to help keep the Mustang lookin' all shiny and sparkly. Depending on which wash you purchase it can run anywhere from 7-13 bucks. I like to get the 9 dollar wash and usually pay with a 10 dollar bill. And, according to my mathematical skills, the change would be one dollar, right? Nothing. It kept my change. And not for the first time. I did what everybody does in that situation. First, I swore several times. Next, I pushed the change button hard several times and swore some more. Then I looked for a sign that says, "If machine malfunctions please call 1-800-ripd-off." Finding no such sign I swore again and vowed never to come back. I'm not sure how much money I've lost over the years but I'm sure it's a small fortune. Now, if I could just get somebody at that 800 number to call me back...

Graduation Time

It's Graduation Day here in my small town in northern Georgia. I can remember mine just like it was yesterday; or, at least 25 years ago. We graduated on a Sunday and I remember that we were excited about our futures and the endless possibilities. The girls wore white gowns and the boys wore green. Those that were in the National Honor Society accentuated their gowns with gold braided cords that symbolized their excellence over the previous four years. Green, gold and white, those were our school colors. I think the moment that stands out the most at my graduation is when my principal, Mr. Rosselot, pronounced my middle name wrong. It is Mia, like Maya Angelou, not Mia, like Mia Farrow. Sister was quick to voice the correct pronunciation to the whole school so they would never doubt how to say it again. I don't think I realized that I wouldn't see most of those folks again. With the 25 year reunion fast approaching I'm excited about who might be there. Where had they been? What things had they done? What were their memories of me, and me of them? Were they happy? I was also upset at my graduation. Not just because of the sadness I felt about leaving my friends but because of what was going on at home. Throughout my senior year, Mom was under intense pressure at work, with the closing of her factory and being transferred out of state, to Georgia of all places. At the time, we thought Georgia was clear across the country, not the 7-8 hour car ride it turned out to be. I graduated on Sunday, and Mom left for Georgia the next day. We have always joked that the kids are supposed to grow up and move away, not the other way around.

Jury Duty And Other Stuff

It took 25 years for me to even get selected to show up as a potential juror. I guess they liked what they saw because I got selected the first time. I'm unsure how long the trial will last but it's very interesting. I don't know why everybody always wants to get out of jury duty; I'm having a good time. Anyway, I'm still trying to get the website updated but I have added some sites to my blog roll. If you would like to be included just leave your link in the comments section. I know I might have missed a few where I am listed on your blog. Another anyway, I'm also working for the Census and have met some mostly nice folks. I'm not sure how much longer it will last. And still another anyway, I'm beginning to get excited about my 25th year high school reunion and my visit north above the sweet tea line. I wonder if my old classmates will think I talk with a Southern accent now, watcha ya'll think?

Unflushed Toilets

How hard is it to flush a toilet? I had the great pleasure of enjoying three (3) unflushed toilets in a row today when I was gambling away my future at the Indian Casino in Cherokee, NC. I guess that should have told me how my luck was going to run for the day---straight down the toilet--Wait! That's right, they weren't flushed. I know most of the world is in the 21st century. Aren't they? I know those automatic flushers can be a bit tricky sometimes, especially when more than one wipe is needed. But stick with it, wave your hand in front of it or something. Do not leave it for the next person. I'm not brave like some of those people that will enter a stall that somebody has left their shit in; I'll do an about face and move right on down to the next stall. I did that three times in a row today. Friend had went to the casino with me and later asked me if I had been playing musical stalls. Unflushed toilets was my reply and then she asked if it had been three times in a row. I responded yes and then she said I should have just stayed in the car. It must have been an omen or something. You know that's probably true. If you're going somewhere that depends on a bit of luck and you keep getting somebody else's shit, you might just wanna head back to the house. And if you find an unflushed toilet there, well--you better head back to Potty Training 101. Please flush the toilet. Somebody's luck might just depend on it!

After The Fact

I, along with thousands of other folks became a fan of "Get Betty White to Host SNL" on Facebook a few months ago. And, amazingly enough, SNL listened. From the reviews that I read, everyone said it was a knockout and the ratings were through the roof. The ratings were high, yes, and why shouldn't they have been? Betty is a great comedic actress and at times, her punchlines can rival Bob Hope or George Burns. She is funny, really, really funny. Saturday Night Live...not so much. The skit that I liked the best was about the Census worker (I wonder why?) and it was the very last one of the show. The opening skit (about Lawrence Welk) was funny, but after that, you lost me. The whole Macgruber thing was just strange. Now, I'm not a comedic writer (a paid one, anyway) but even I could have come up with something that might have gotten a laugh. What about a skit about the Mary Tyler Moore show? Shoot, most of those guys are still alive; a skit about Seniors trying to do the news. I can see it now: Anchors going into cardiac arrest talking about sports or having their false teeth fall out when they catch a glimpse of the newest weather girl. Anyhow, Betty was on the Tonight Show a few days later and told Jay that she was glad that was over, she had been very nervous. Now, the rumors are going around that they are trying to get her to host the Academy Awards. All I can say is WOW! I'd tune in to watch that. On another note, on Facebook, they are now trying to get fans to jump on board with "Get Carol Burnett to host SNL". I totally agree with that, she's funny. As a MA Fat Woman, I am almost at the age where I don't matter anymore, age 44. According to all of the researchers, ages 25-44 are the top spenders and after that, well, folks just tend to fade away into the distance, their money unspent. Somebody better wake the hell up because that is totally NOT true. SNL is on the right track by letting someone other than a 22 yr old blond, bimbo that has starred on a reality show host the program and whose only qualifications are giving oral sex to the producers. Barbie, you're not funny, give it up! Hey, Lorne? You're an old guy, too! There are lots of other older stars out there that would be great hosting Saturday Night Live. You can start with Carol Burnett, then Eddie Murphy, Goldie Hawn, Whoopi, Billy Crystal, the list goes on and on...