|I've spent a lot of time in front of the mirror lately. No, I don't consider myself vain, but I do like to present a pleasant exterior for the outside world to see. I don't do the "mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all" saying every time I glance at my reflection. After all, if you've been paying attention you'll remember that my sister (Big Red) is the fair-skinned member of our close knit family.
I don't comb my hair a lot either. If I comb it too much it starts to fall out. Mostly, I do the Arthur Fonzarelli (The Fonz) when it comes to my hair. I'll saunter up to the mirror, cock my head from one side to the other, give myself a thumbs up and an "Aaaayyyy" and out the door I'll go.
Whether you're male or female as you age certain issues begin to arise. Here are a few of the questions that I have when I search my reflection and wonder exactly who it is that is staring back at me.
1. Will I ever outgrow pimples, bumps and zits?
2. Will my hairline recede any slower if I start doing the comb over?
3. Is Grecian Formula just for men? (I'm going gray at the temples.)
4. Should I be offended if I get the Senior discount at Kroger? (I'm years away from that, officially anyway.)
5. Why do all of the young people keep calling me "Ma'am?"
6. Why do I have to spend as much time plucking black hairs on my chin than shaving my legs?
7. Why can't I figure out these new video games? (Nobody, and I mean nobody, can beat me at Galaga or Tempest.)
8. Why can't I find a career that's both rewarding and interesting?
9. At what age can I begin to have my midlife crisis?
10. Why do I consider cartoons goofy and boring?
11. Why is the President only 6 years older than me?
12. Will kids ever pull up their pants?
13. Will Steve Perry ever go back to Journey?
14. Why is gravity harder on women than on men? (A man that ages has character and ruggedness, a woman just looks like an old hag)
Lastly, how can I get some of that bailout money? At my age, I've already lost half of my 401K and got laid off from one of my jobs. You can send my stimulus check in care of the MA Fat Woman. I'll be waiting, because I need some stimulation too.