Stuff I Wonder About

Now that we have a new President in office I'm curious about how some of the ordinary mundane tasks get accomplished at the White House. I know there is a personal staff that probably does a lot of the cleaning and cooking but what about if the President just wants to take a swig from the milk jug? Does the First Family have their own private refrigerator that can be raided day or night? If so, who makes out that shopping list? Do they clip coupons? Do they search the weekly circulars looking for the best deal on laundry detergent? Speaking of laundry, who folds the Presidential underwear? I would think that person would have to go through a tougher security screening process--too much starch in the wrong place can make for a touchy situation. Who signs the President's payroll check? Is he paid biweekly? Does he have direct deposit? Where does he get cash from? Does he need any cash? What about surfing the web? You know the First Lady might want to pick up something on Ebay. I guess the girls wear JCrew now, just wait, in a few years everything will be Hollister. Hollister is cheaper to buy online. I wonder if you ever feel comfortable in the White House? They say that the private family quarters are very private? I'm not so sure about that. Are the walls soundproof? What if the First Couple gets into a squabble about something? Is the Secret Service dude standing outside the door going to rush in if he hears a plate or two being tossed against the wall? Is it just me but does the President sound like Yogi Bear when he speaks sometimes? I dunno Michelle, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it, does it make a sound? What about all of those credit card offers, do they come addressed to him personally at the White House? Do you think he uses that service that keeps tabs on his credit report each month? Lastly, do you think he has ever wanted to have that mole removed?

An One Senior

Mom and I went to dinner and a movie this weekend. We saw the Curious Case of Benjamin Button and then had dinner at a new Cuban restaurant. The movie was interesting, albeit a little bit curious. Anyhow, at least it was different. Movies have gotten really expensive. The regular price for an evening show is $9.75. The matinee (before 6 PM) price is $7.25 and the Senior rate(age 55 & over)is also $7.25. As we waited in line to puchase our tickets Mom kept reminding me to ask for the Senior rate--make sure you ask for the Senior rate. Since it was before 6 PM, the matinee and Senior tickets were going to be the same price so I didn't mention the Senior rate. Oh my goodness! Mom went Senior on me and the ticket agent: "What kind of place you people running here? I worked my whole life paying school taxes to keep you kids in pimple cream and xerox paper. You think you could help a senior out by giving them a discount on a movie ticket. And furthermore, why does it cost 15 bucks for a drink and popcorn? I know those big time movie stars make 40 million a picture, but why should I have to pay for it? As a senior that has proudly paid her taxes since before our current President was born, I think I deserve a discount." Nobody said anything until the ticket agent said this: "It's after 6 PM, so I'm going to have to charge you full price of $9.75 and..." "An one Senior"!

Mi Costenita

Spanish isn’t my second language. I had to stop and get gas the other day and happened to stop at a store in a neighborhood that has a growing Hispanic population. As I breezed through the front entrance I was met with the loudest Salsa music that I have ever heard. Trying to get into the swing of things I looked at the clerk and shouted Ole’ a couple of times. I walked twice around the large sombrero display that was advertising the Coke special of the week and belted out one more Ole’ for good measure. I wanted to get a bag of chips but I’m tired of the brands and flavors that they have in my area. I wanted to try something different. I came across a display that was selling authentic Hispanic snacks: Wheat pellets with chili & lemon, that’s what the label said. I thought they looked more like BBQ pork rinds. I grabbed a bag and headed on over to the counter. I thought I would try out my language skills. “Caliente”? I asked. “No, they’re not hot at all. And the word is comida for spicy, not caliente”, said the clerk. “Are they any good”? “Muy bien”. As my head continued to bob and pound along to the pulsating and throbbing music I watched the girl ring up my transaction and hold up my bag of wheat pellets to another clerk and they both started laughing, in Spanish. When they looked at me I gave a big grin and smiled like an idiot. I didn’t know what they were laughing about. That’s what you do in situations like that when you don’t understand the language—you either talk really loud or smile like an idiot. I grabbed my purchases, gave them another Ole’ and out the door I went, smug in the fact that I had tried to speak with someone in their own language. You’ve probably figured out that this story isn’t going to end well. I was able to eat five (5) of those comida, caliente things before my tongue went numb and I started to sweat. I had to toss the rest of the bag. Now, I realized why they were laughing at me. Stupid American is probably what they were thinking. We’ll teach you to make fun of us. Ole’? Or maybe, Touché!

To Blackberry Or Not

That is the question. Call me old-fashioned or something, but, do we really want our President to have a Blackberry? Potentially, a lot could go wrong there. Even if you have just an ordinary cell phone, those pesky buggars can go off at the most inopportune times. But, what if you are the President? A few examples: "Excuse me, your Majesty (Queen of England) I gotta take this call". "Hey Osama, it's Obama, can you turn yourself in"? (This could be a could thing.) "Michelle, can you (bbbbuuuzzzzz)( No, Hilary, I don't know if you can be my running mate in four years.) pass me the potatoes, please"? "No, Pete (Rose) I am not God. He's the only one that is going to be able to get you into the Hall of Fame". Do you think if other world leaders got his number if any of them would call and maybe so some heavy breathing on the end of the line? What about just calling and hanging up? I'm not sure if it is a federal offense to call and hang up on the President or not. What about during the State of the Union address? "My fellow Americans, it is with great (Ring, Ring, Ring, Buzz, buuzz) Sorry about that, it was supposed to be on silent mode. Now, where was I"? Maybe, I watch too many movies or something, but it would seem that the technology is certainly there to hack into any phone system. They did it to Paris Hilton and Sarah Palin. The one thing we won't have to worry about is the President trying to send a text message and drive at the same time. But, will the Blackberry be so distracting that he loses focus somewhere else? In his speech he quoted scripture "to put away childish things", I'm not saying a Blackberry is childish. But, when you are the most powerful man in the world holding the keys to the largest military arsenal in history, do you really want to be distracted by the buzz, buzz of a cell phone? To Blackberry or not? Not.

A Day For Optimism

I’d like to say that I’m a glass half-full kind of gal. I try to keep myself open for a door that might swing my way and open me up to a whole new world where everyone says please and thank you. I know, stop laughing. I haven’t gone off my rocker, although my rocker is no longer on the porch and has been put away in storage for the winter. We have all been suffering one way or the other these past few months. Luckily, I haven’t lost my house, I have enough food to eat and I’m paying most of my bills. I did lose one of my part-time jobs the other day; but, I might be able to pick up another one in the next few weeks. (See, half-full) Everyone knows that today is the day that all of the changing is supposed to start changing. I changed a lot of things last week. I changed a light bulb in the bathroom. I changed the cat box three times. I changed my mind several times about taking a trip to Vegas. (I wish) These changes are by no means earth shattering to anyone other than me and the cat. I like to have a light on when I use the facility and we both like a clean litter box. I have already started the changing in my life. I’m hopeful and optimistic that the economy will recover, people can stay in their homes, people can afford health insurance and the troops will come home. Change, change, change! But? Don’t the more things change, the more they stay the same? I hope not.

The Big Chill

I almost fainted a couple of days ago. It seems that the weather people were actually correct with a weather forecast. The forecasts said to expect Arctic temperatures. A huge cold front was sweeping down from the north which was already frozen over. They were right. The older house that I live in is really quite drafty. To get warm you have to go outside and stand in front of a window because all of the heat just seems to go out through the window. I tried putting plastic sheeting over the window but the cat attacked it and shredded it from top to bottom. (I think he thought it looked tacky or something.) I have stuffed towels and blankets around the door jams in an effort to seal off the drafts but that doesn't seem to be working either. I usually have to go into one of those rooms as soon as I get it sealed off. Mom stopped by for about 30 seconds yesterday. She wanted to know if I had anything against turning up the furnace. I walked her over to the furnace and showed her it was on full blast. She just shivered and said it feels like the icebox that we used to live in on Cherry Fork Road. As she was heading back out the door she noticed that I was in my winter gear. Long johns, sweat pants, two pairs of socks, t-shirt, sweatshirt, hooded jacket and a skull cap. She just laughed and said it was a good thing that I remembered how to layer my clothes because it was going to be even colder tonight. You can always come spend the night with me she said. I might just take her up on that. Anything below 45 degrees and I become practically useless. I moved to the south for a reason. I just didn't expect the big chill to follow me.

Seens At The Airport

Once again I found myself on an undercover assignment at the airport. I don't travel that often but each time I go there for a job I have to go through security. So, I am beginning to learn the tricks of the trade. At the Atlanta airport there are now different security gates for different kinds of travellers. Of course, they have a line for the business traveller--folks that are flying out weekly. These passengers don't even look up from their newspaper when they pass through security. Off with the belts, jackets and shoes. Laptops and briefcases in the gray plastic bins. Smile at the officer as you get puffed by the new screening machine and you're on your way. Another line is one that is for those that need special assistance. Maybe, you are an elderly person or perhaps, physically challenged. You could be a mom travelling with three screaming children (I hope you're not sitting by me). Anyone basically that might need some kind of assistance. The next lane that I noticed open was one that read novice/casual traveller. Personally, I thought that line was pretty self-explanatory. Or, so I thought. I was walking past a couple probably in their mid 40s deep in conversation with a TA agent. It seems they were confused about which line to get into. They wanted to know if there was an "expert" line to join. It seems that they had flown to Vegas once so this wasn't their first time flying. I laughed at that until I was blue in the face.