More Birthday Wishes

It's been a really festive time for the MAFW's family. It seems that the Holidays were just a big blur...with all the eating, complaining about how much we ate, and my niece complaining about how fat she is (She's 5'2" and weighs 90 lbs) My left leg weighs 90 lbs. We had my sister's (Big Red as she DOESN'T like to be called) birthday and I hear it was very festive. Now, it's time for another birthday. My big brother is celebrating his birthday today. Since we are sharing the family nicknames....drum roll please. His nickname is Boy, sometimes called Big Boy. Boy is a fan of WW II and can give you all the information ever needed if you are building a house since he has a background in construction. He taught me how to play football, throw a perfect strike (complete with a full wind up) and how to play chess. He also taught me how to chew tobacco, scratch my butt, cuss a blue streak, throw cow patties, wrestle a hog and spit and catch loogies. (Most of these tricks I have since out grown) (Most) However, it is good knowledge to have. So here's to you! Happy Birthday! MA Fat Woman P.S. I ate your birthday present.

Nightlights

I pulled an all-nighter a few days ago. I mentioned the rain that we had been experiencing for the last few days and my schedule has gotten a bit off track. I’ve been sleeping a lot, hibernating maybe? I was very comfortable in my recliner watching television and surfing the web. Before I knew it, it was about 2:30 AM and I knew I needed to go to bed but I was too lazy to go up stairs. I’m not one for dozing in my recliner because I like to sleep on my side and the recliner just ain’t made for side-sleeping. Plus, the cat always gets fed on the fives—5 AM and 5 PM. There ain’t no rest for anyone if he gets off schedule. I was tired of watching commercials and especially the Sham Wow guy. He is advertising something new but I turned him off before he could begin his spiel. I settled back into my chair and began to get adjusted to my surroundings. I know it’s my house and my recliner but I don’t normally sit around in the dark. Except here’s the thing, I wasn’t in the dark. There were lights everywhere. My VCR had a green light and was 12 o’clock and blinking. My television has a red light. My DVD player has a green light. (Blinking) My ipod player has a blue light. (Blinking) My laptop has 3 green lights. My answering machine has a green and red light. My potable electric heater has an orange light. I have two power strips that have orange lights. What in the world do I need all of these lights for? I wonder how much less my electric bill would be if those lights weren’t staring and blinking at me? Even sitting in the dark I had twelve lights on…no wonder I was up all night.

Birthday Wishes

I talk a lot about my family. It's amazing some of the stories that I can remember and hope to share more with you at a later date. Actually, some of the stunts we pulled as kids make me wonder how we all grew up into functioning adults. Anyhow, today is my sister's birthday. In case anyone wants to know, her nickname is Big Red. Yep, she's got red hair and a fierceness to go along with it. She resides in the frigid north where it snows all the time. Yuck! I won't tell you how old she is because that wouldn't be sisterly. She is older than me though. Happy Birthday Sister! May you have many more and continue to do things that make me laugh. MA Fat Woman P.S. Your present is still on my counter waiting to be mailed.

Picking Up Pennies

I finally made my way outside today. It's been raining a lot, so, the cat and I have been hibernating...finishing up the Christmas cookies and candy. I've yet to get started on my new less fat plan. I have been watching Oprah pour her guts out about how much weight she has gained. And the ladies on the View have been griping and complaining about their holiday weight gain too. I haven't gotten on the scales; in fact, I don't have any. I only get weighed in at the doctor's office. I can usually judge if I am going up or down by how well my clothes are fitting. I've been wearing sweat pants for the past few weeks but I had an undercover assignment today, so I had to dress up. I noticed my slacks were a little snug, but not to the point of being uncomfortable. I had run into the grocery store because I was out of bon bons and was walking back out to my car when I noticed something shiny on the ground. I'm always on the lookout for coins and I pick them up whether it's heads up or not. I shifted my bon bons to my opposite hand and bent down to swoop up the penny. RRRRRIIIIPPPPPPPP! Uh oh! Yep, I had split the seam of my pants, all the way up the crack. I reached my hand around the back trying to ascertain the damage, gave a tug and a pull, and before you knew it, I had given myself a wedgie. I looked down at my bon bons with a mix of disgust and pleasure. I could turnaround and take those delectable treats back inside and get something healthier. But, then someone might notice that my butt was now hanging out of my pants and my drawers were pulled up to my armpits. I decided to get in my car and head on home. I know that I need to start eating better, just not today.

Two Weeks Notice

Today was a very special day for the 43rd President of the United States. According to my calculations he has only two weeks left in what has been a very stormy presidency. And you know what? I'll bet he's glad. I won't bore you with the details, but, we all have been affected by 9/11, the banking failures, and an economy that has been foundered to say the least. If you have never tendered a two week's notice letter it goes something like this: Dear So and So: It is with extreme regret that I tender to you my resignation effective two weeks from today. I am moving on to bigger and better things. I'm going to take a nap...for about a month. I thank you for all of the blah, blah, blahs you and your idiot associates have presented me with and wish you nothing but moonbeams and unicorns in your future endeavors. Sincerely, (Thank Goodness, I'm getting the hell out of here.) George W. Bush P.S. I am taking all of the office supplies that I could ever possibly need, as well as a few plates from the China Room. Whatcha' gonna do about it? Fire me? Now, I'm not exactly sure that is what his letter said, but, I bet I'm not too far off. As time marches forward to the inauguration of the next President, you know he's got to be sitting in the Oval Office reclining in his chair counting the ceiling tiles and getting dizzy from spinning his chair in complete circles. Two more weeks and then you're done. Take a rest, you've earned it.

A Special Announcement

I finally pried myself away from my family. We've spent alot of time together recently, but, it's time to get moving ahead into the new year. I have really enjoyed sharing my stories with you over the last few months and always enjoy your comments. Having said that, I am pleased to announce that there will be some changes coming to the MA Fat Woman. Folks ask me all the time why I don't add any pictures or sound to my blog? Why don't you spice up your banner and why is everything black? Well, it's simple. Every fashion conscious gal out there knows that you can't go wrong with a simple, basic black dress. That's why I'm keeping things just the way they are. It may not be flashy and full of bright and shiny things, but (unless I get terribly long-winded on my reflecting) you'll be finished and off to somewheres else pretty quickly. I know you're probably pitching a fit right about now wondering about the changes. What are they? I have made it easier for you to find me. I am available now at www.middleagedfatwoman.com and to keep things even simpler, www.reflectionsonamiddleagedfatwoman.com. I hope you enjoy the new look!

Less Is Better

I wanted to get a head start on this year's resolutions, so I spent New Year's Eve baking. I eat out too often and I buy way too many prepackaged products. I'm a pretty good cook when I want to spend the time and effort. My personal physician, who is now a regular reader of Reflections on a MA Fat Woman has encouraged me to become the MA Less Fat Woman. Well, Crap! You know what that means? That little four-letter word that we all love to hate: D-I-E-T. My champagne buzz hasn't even started to wear off yet and I'm already beginning to think of ways that I can cheat on my new healthy eating plan--at least that's what they tell me it's called. I probably shouldn't go out for Chinese food either. That's something I always do on New Year's Day. It's a good thing I did all of that baking. I probably shouldn't mention what I made. Okay, you dragged it out of me. Chocolate Chip Cookies, and they sure are good.