National Chili Day

I love chili, and if I don't pop a couple of Rolaids and a few Pepcids it will keep loving me back, for days. Can you say peat, and repeat? Anyhow, today, February 25, is National Chili Day. There are different kinds of chili, and your tastes are usually decided by where you're from. I know Texas has dozens of different recipes for chili but the main thing about Texas chili is that they don't like beans in their chili. Other areas like to use different kinds of meat such as beef, sausage, and even chicken mixed in different quantities, and with or without beans. (Me, I prefer beans, because, well, beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat...I think you know the rest.) Some folks even like white chili, whatever that is, I tried it once at Panera Bread or somewhere, but I wanted to keep putting ketchup in it. (That's just me.) I think chili should be tomato based, but that's just one MA Fat Woman's opinion. Another thing I get confused about is using the word chili so loosely. What exactly is the definition of chili? What about the stuff you put on hot dogs? Chili, coney or hot dog sauce? What about the stuff you put on spaghetti? Chili or spaghetti sauce? Beans or no beans? Three-way, four-way or five-way? (Whoa, MA Fat Woman! What are you talking about?) (Three-ways?) (Get your minds out of the gutter.) All of this has been leading up to what I feel is the best chili going: Cincinnati style chili. I like both Goldstar and Skyline chili. Mom and I have driven up to Kentucky before to have our Cincy style chili. You can check that story out here. What makes this chili different is that cinnamon is used to give it a different taste and kick. It's really good. The below photo shows a three-way which is spaghetti noodles, chili and shredded cheese. A four-way is achieved by adding onions and a five-way by adding beans. I prefer the three-way spaghetti. Did I say it's really good? Three-way chili spaghetti You can purchase Goldstar or Skyline directly from the companies and it comes in canned and powdered forms. You can also purchase Skyline at Krogritz in the canned form, and in some locations, buy it frozen. It's good, but it isn't quite the same as tasting it yourself in person. Enjoy National Chili Day and have or make yourself some chili, however you prefer it. Me, can you say road trip, anyone?

Shooting Guns

I've been away visiting at my mom's house for the last few days. It would have probably been more fun if she had been there, but she wasn't. She was off somewhere chasing something, could've been an animal, a yard sale, or that fella that calls the numbers at her weekly Bingo tournaments; you never know about Mom. That left me and Brother up to our own devices, and that usually means certain things are gonna happen: Eating, eating, sleeping and more eating; we are an exciting bunch. However, this time, Brother decided that we needed to shoot some guns. I didn't know he had any guns, so when he pulled out some ammunition, my eyebrows shot straight up and I took two steps back. "Whatcha got there?" I asked. "22 shells," he said. "You got a 22?" I asked. "Duh, dumbass, here's your sign. Why would I have 22 shells if I didn't have a 22?" "Okay, I deserved that, but don't call me dumbass, fatboy!" We proceeded to take turns firing the 22 until we had shot straight through the pop can and shot out the plastic on the old birdhouse. I'm not a big fan of guns and I don't own any, nor have I shot that many; however, I am a pretty good shot with my BB gun that I keep on the porch for emergencies. Watch out, burglars! Mom returned home late during my visit and noticed the box of clearly marked 22 shells and wondered what we had been doing. "Shooting guns," I said. "You kids....Is that for a 22 rifle?" she asked. Brother just shook his head and walked away giving Mom the "Here's your sign" gesture. Mom just looked at me as I erupted into uncontrollable laughter. I just shook my head and walked away and I'm sure she was wondering what had just transpired and caused such a reaction from her two kids. Like mother, like daughter! Here's your sign, Mom!

New Signs Of The Apocalypse

Sports Illustrated features a weekly feature entitled Signs of the Apocalypse where unusual happenings in the sports world will merit a one or two sentence mention on topics ranging from hoodwinked hoodlums in Ireland to men's figure skaters bitch-slapping a NFL lineman because his parking place got taken. This morning when I turned on the television to catch up on the news from overnight every channel I turned to was showing breaking news: Tiger to break his silence. Watch the LIVE broadcast in just a few minutes. Every channel. Do we really care that much that the all time greatest golfer in the world couldn't keep his putter in his pants? The pundits and talking heads across all the networks were all in a dither as to whether his wife, Elin, would be there to stand beside him. Had he had plastic surgery to repair the damage caused by the nine-iron when she had allegedly went upside his head with it on Thanksgiving night? OOOOOhhhhh, I'm just shivering and shaking with anticipation as to what he is going to say. Is he going to admit to all of the affairs? Is he going to give details? Are they staying together or getting a divorce? Is he coming back to play golf at the Master's Tournament in April? Is he really a sex addict? Is that even a real condition? Will his sponsors believe him? Will they be happy with what he says? What does his mom think about all of this? What would his dad say? Will this situation help him to become a better man? Will he gain a new respect for the game of golf and its fabled history? All of those questions and many more are what warranted this extensive news coverage. Are you kidding me? I'll ask again. Are you kidding me? I can understand the sports networks covering this, but CNN, HLN, the Fox Business Channel, I thought I even heard QVC throw a shout out about it. Aren't there starving people somewhere we need to know about? Aren't the people in Haiti living in tent cities? Aren't we fighting a war on two fronts? Weren't we having a health-care debate, recently? Don't you wonder what Conan has been doing since he got the boot? Do you wonder if Congress will ever get anything accomplished? Wait! You had almost forgotten about those other issues, hadn't you? Almost. For me, all it took was a thirty second flip through the channels to bring my reality back into focus. And my focus isn't on Tiger, neither should yours.

Caption These Contest

I'm having a contest. You can caption one, two, or all and the winner will receive a 2010 Cat Calendar. I'll pick the winner on Saturday! Caption These!

Skunky Valentines

I was looking through Valentine's Day cards the other day trying to find just the perfect ones to give to family and friends when I became totally disgusted at how expensive they were--five bucks for a card--I don't think so. Anyhow, being the somewhat intelligent and extremely clever person that I am, I remembered getting valentines when I was in school for everyone in my class and they all came in one box. Voila! What a great idea! They each came with their own envelope and were generally large enough to be sent through the mail. The sayings might be seen as childish, but others might think they were cute and I could always insert a heartfelt hand written note inside. Plus, there were usually thirty cards in a box and they came relatively cheap. It sounded like a good idea... ...but? ...but? I didn't know it would be so damn hard to find a box of ordinary old-timey valentines. Geesh! Here I was at Wallyworld and the only thing I could find was Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers and iCarly, and they weren't even regular valentines; they were stickers and activity sets. No, thanks. You can keep them! I left there and went to another store, then another and finally ended up at Dollar General, where I struck gold, or, so I thought. They had boxes of valentines but the cards didn't come with any envelopes. Crap. I reached further down into the display where the cards were and I pulled out the very last box of valentines that had envelops. I was excited that something had finally gone my way, made my purchase and tore into the box of valentines as soon as I got into the car. It wasn't too long before my excitement began to fade as I realized that all of the cards had the same picture on them: A skunk. Have you ever received a skunky valentine? If I remember correctly, the skunk valentine was given to someone that you didn't like and for some reason I received quite a few. What does that mean?. Do my family and friends really want to receive a Valentine's Day card that says "I love you...and...you're a stinker too?" Happy Valentine's Day! ...Stinky!

How You Doin?...Week VI

We're six weeks into the New Year and in my best Joey Tribbiani voice I ask "How you doin"? The weekly feature here at Reflections is to remind you about the resolutions that you made at the beginning of the year, in hopes that you would stick with it. I think I'm doing it more for myself, actually. If I write it down each week, I can hold myself accountable. I started a new 21 day plan this week and instead of doing low-carb eating I am following the Weight Watcher's system. (I'm not paying or going to meetings) It allows me to have a small to moderate amount of white foods (potatoes & bread) that seem to be my weakness. Are you keeping your resolutions? Are you making a lists of things to get accomplished and marking them off upon completion? Are you laughing at least once a day? Are you staying positive? Have you given someone a hug lately? Are you finding happiness and contentment in your everyday activities? Are you sick of hearing about John Edward's alleged sex tape? Are you letting the little things go? Are you being less judgemental? Are you clipping coupons to help you save money? Have you become a follower of the MA Fat Woman through Google Friend Connect? Are you drinking fluids to keep hydrated? Are you getting off the couch any? These are some of the things that I'm working on. Hope you will too! If you have anything to add to the list, please do so. Also, if you would like to be included on my blog roll, please leave your info in the comments section. I hope to have the newly designed Reflections up soon. MA Fat Woman

Southern Snow Seens

Somebody Stole My Winter

I live in the South for a reason: Mild winters. Normally, by this time of year we've had at least a week of 70 degree weather, my Easter Lilies are up in full bloom and I've had to pull a pair of shorts out of storage to wear. Not this year. I heard a report that some sort of weather phenomena was causing winter to actually feel like winter. I don't know if it was El Nina, La Nina, El Camino, or Vinny Del Negro; it's been cloudy, misty, drizzling, and raining the whole year. If the sun does shine for a few hours it's been too cold to be outside. I finally did get my Christmas decorations removed from the front yard--they're sitting on my front porch, but at least they're down. We did get a few flurries of snow and a half inch of ice a few weeks back. Not enough to make a snowman or snow ice cream, but enough for the kids to get out of school for a few days. The forecast is calling for more clouds, rain and possibly a winter mix. Good news though, the ten day outlook said we might reach 50 degrees  and have sunny skies for two consecutive days. Now where'd I put those bermuda shorts...

Billion Is The New Million

As I continue to watch the ever growing deficits in communities, states and the National Government I'm amazed at how common the figure billion is thrown around. Need 200 billion for automobile bailouts? Sure, no problem! How about 670 billion to help the banking industry make those yearly bonus payments? Okay, we can do that too! Can I get 999 billion to fight wars on two fronts? Wars? I didn't know we were at war, it hasn't affected me in my daily life. Well, if you say you need it, here ya go... Can I get a subsidy for health care premiums? My policy costs over 500 bucks a month. Hahehahalololol, you're nuts if you think we can help out everyday Americans, especially a middle-aged fat woman. All of these questions had me asking what exactly a billion dollars equates to; just how much is it? I received the following email forwarded from a friend. Read it and judge for yourself: How many zeros in a billion? This is too true to be funny. The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases. A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet. E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it. While these thoughts are still fresh in your brains...the new proposed spending spree is being touted in trillions. Yes, trillions! 1,000,000,000,000. That's a lot of zeros...and that's about how much the average American can expect to get.

How You Doin?...Week V

We're five weeks into the New Year and in my best Joey Tribbiani voice I ask "How you doin"? I thought I'd start a weekly feature here at Reflections that would encourage you to stick with it. I think I'm doing it more for myself, actually. If I write it down each week, I can hold myself accountable. But, please, feel free to play along at home. I did really crappy this week. I finished my 21 day plan and took the rest of the week off. I'm planning to begin a new 21 day period in a few days. Are you laughing at least once a day? Have you given someone a nice compliment? Have you become a follower of the MA Fat Woman through Google Connect I'm blaming everything on the icky weather. I hope you were more successful with your weekly tasks! Also, if you would like to be included on my blog roll, please leave your info in the comments section. MA Fat Woman

Do You Bake?

I was trolling through Walmart the other day along with every other first of the month check recipient (remind me never to do that again) and the joint was hopping. There were chains of old people staggering and wobbling, trying to stay upright. You know when a younger, more agile senior will offer an arm for assistance and it will be grabbed and held onto for dear life. You don't want them to fall and break a hip or something. Anyhow, I saw several groups where they were walking four and five abreast, grimaces on their faces, as skeletal and bony phalanges were dug deeper and deeper into their respective forearms as they struggled to maneuver about the store.. They were making me nervous so I headed on over to the automotive section until they were through with their shopping. After a half hour or so spent looking at the different viscosities of motor oil (who knew)I headed back over to the food section where I noticed a nice looking, older lady who was smiling and motioning in my direction. Never one to miss an opportunity to speak to someone I rolled my cart over to her. "Do you bake?" she asked. "Excuse me?" "I was wondering if you baked?" she asked again. "Well, yes, I do bake from time to time," I replied. "Good, I'm glad I found you. I just wanted to tell you about the great deal they're having on pie shells. They overstocked from Christmas and now they are only a quarter each." "Wow! That is a good deal. I'll have to tell my mom about it. Thanks for telling me," I said. "I was just finishing up my part of the bargain," she said. Before I could ask what she meant she said that the lady that told her about the sale said she had to tell someone else to keep the chain going. And before I could get the words what chain out of my mouth I saw them. A chain of the seniors that I had run from earlier were staggering towards me with an armload of frozen pie shells. I'm not exactly sure what happened next but one started to slip, one tripped, another lost her glasses and down they all went. Can you say cleanup on Aisle 4? Well, I did what every smart person would do, I grabbed a couple of pie shells and got the hell out of there. Later, as I was telling mom about what had happened, she was all into it, agreeing I had done the right things until I got to the end. With a quizzical look on her face she wanted to know why I had only gotten two pie shells.

Tormenting The Telemarketer

I didn't recognize the phone number on my Caller Id but it was from Orlando, Fl, so I decided to answer it. I do have family down there, it might be one of them. It shouldn't be from a telemarketer because I am on the Do Not Call List. But every once in a while, one will sneak through. When I answered the phone and there was a pause on the other end I knew it was a telemarketer; the following is our conversation: Me: Hello? ...silence. Helloooo? Voice: Uh, hello? Is someone there? Me: Hallow? (changing my voice to a more older and mature pitch...aka senior citizen) Hallow? Voice: Okay, hello! (surprised that somebody actually answered the phone) This is Don Juan calling from MRE Orlando Vacations. How are you today? Me: Fine. Voice: Okay, great! I'm calling to invite you to a three day vacation here at Walt Disney Orlando. Do you remember when you purchased a vacation a few years back? Me: Nawp, can't say that I do. Voice: Okay, you purchased it and was unable to go? Me: Nawp, can't remember that neither. Voice: Okay, someone you know went somewhere and wrote your name down? Me: Nawp, don't know nobody ever been to Orlando. Voice: Okay, is this G Farmer? Me: Nawp. Voice: Okay, that isn't right either. Have you ever lived at blah, blah, blah (my current address)? Me: Nawp. Voice: Damn, the whole thing is messed up. Somebody has given me all the wrong information. Me: Well, bless your heart. Don't you hate it when that happens? Voice(chuckling): Yes, I do. You wouldn't be interested in a Florida Disney vacation, would you? Me: Nawp, can't say that I would. Well, Don Juan, what are you, some sort of Romeo? I gotta go, my teeth are boiling. Bye Bye! Voice: uhhh, bye. Click!

Twenty-One Days

Webster's dictionary defines habit as a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance. And an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary. Basically, if you do something enough times it should become second nature; you do it without thinking. Researchers can't seem to agree on how long it should take to learn or unlearn a habit. The days vary from 17, to 21, up to 30, and so on. A lot of it depends on the individual and the habit you want to work on. For me, it seemed that 21 days was the magic number. When I stopped smoking the first three weeks were extremely difficult to get through. Once I made it that far it was only a few more days until I had been stopped for a month. Thirty days of being smoke-free seemed impossible when I first started, but now it's been three years. This time around I have decided to focus on my physical being--that which is fat and middle aged. I can't do anything about my age. I'll always be at least this age, probably not any older though. That leaves the fat and that is something I can work on. Before you get too excited and start wringing your hands and shaking your head because you think all I'm going to talk about is losing weight, you can just calm it because that ain't going to happen. Trust me, I do not want to hear about how many pieces of lettuce I can eat or that I lost a pound after weigh in because I had an excellent bowel movement. Now, that finally gets me to where I am today. Today is my day off, and so is tomorrow. For the last 21 days, I have been forming new habits. I ate a mostly low carb diet, I drank 8 glasses of water, and I exercised every day. (I did have a jelly donut one day because I had crazy PMS.) I made a chart and put it on the fridge and I checked the 21 days off, one by one. If I made it through I promised myself a nice reward, which is a half hour massage over at the day spa. That's something worth trying for, right? Anyhow, I'm allowing myself two days off before I begin my second 21 days. I'm not going to go eat a bunch of junk, because I have most of the bad stuff out of my system now. I'll probably keep drinking my fluids too and my body has gotten used to more movement. It took me 21 days to form these new habits, I lost some weight, I'm getting around better and my complexion looks great. No, I don't think I'll take two days off, these new habits are definitely worth keeping.